You Filled That Crater In My Heart.

by Courageous Dreamer   Oct 30, 2008


The first time we parted, I was ripped into shreds,
sincere feelings for you still lingered although you were gone.
They never once vanished from my soul, I held them firmly.
Petrifed I'd lose you forever, a memory of you was essential.

Each day got more complicated without your comforting words,
causing the level of missing you to reach a high extreme.
Dipping into a minor depression was the last thing I needed,
but it ended up happening in the end, resulting in losing all stability.

Lying on that frigid floor with a shattered heart oozing with blood,
aching every second thinking of you, everything left empty.
I felt like a crater was engraved into my heart, you were missing.
Thoughts agitating throughout my mind, became a tangled disaster.

Today I still maintain those feelings for you, that undying love.
The deep crater in my heart was instantly filled with your presence.
Overcoming slight depression put a radiant smile on my face,
happiness has suddenly taken over me, for you're in my life again.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Great poem I really liked it. I gave it a 5/5 I saw nothing wrong with it.

  • 16 years ago

    by ether

    *By a better vocabulary than usual I mean what you usually find on this site.
    Sorry for being vague

  • 16 years ago

    by ether

    "The first time we departed my heart was ripped to shreds,"
    'The' isn't really the best word to start of a poem.
    Departed should be parted.
    Instead of saying "my heart was riped to shreads" how about "I was riped into shreads"? It's a little more metaphoric and a little less cliche. Something about talking about hearts in that manner annoys me.

    "sincere feelings for you still lingered although you were gone."
    Perhaps feelings should be changed to thoughts? This line could be swapped a bit to make it shorter and better the flow, for example "Although sincere thoughts of you still lingered". Says the same thing, you just didn't repeat the leaving part once more.

    Throughout the rest of this poem there's too many filler words, you repeat things that you've mentioned previously in the poem too much.
    There's nothing overly impressive about this, the general idea is written about a lot. The way you wrote it is good, however. Your vocabulary was better than usual but there's room for improvment, perhaps if you move toward the metpahors a little more.
    Don't worry if what you're writing doesn't make complete sense to the reader, poetry is about leaving some things up to the reader to interpret and decide.

    Although, this was still fairly decent, if you work on the filler words it'll help the flow and make the poem easier to read. You've got some tallent, keep writing.
    4/5

    jess ~

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    The flow and word usage were decent in this poem. The concept was a little cliche, but you've written on it beautifully! I really did enjoy reading this poem.

    I felt like a crater was engraved into my heart, you were missing.
    Thoughts agitating throughout my mind, became a tangled disaster.
    ^^ these were definitely my favorite lines... they showed so much emotion! Very nice...

    5/5 for sure

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    How nice to see you write a happy poem, Temps. Not too long ago I commented to such a sad poem by you. I am happy for you that you and your boyfriend were able to patch things up again.

    Much love,

    5/5 Ingrid

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