Waltzing Lovers (Dodoitsu)

by Mr. Darcy   Nov 1, 2008


Waltzing souls swirl together,
Within an eternal frame;
Their dance captured long ago,
True love's masterpiece.

11.33
24.10.08

The Dodoitsu is a fixed folk song form of Japanese
origin and is often about love or humor. It has 26
syllables made of of four lines of 7, 7, 7, 5 syllables
respectively. It is unrhymed and non-metrical.

Just for fun a rhyming version of the poem above..

Waltzing Lovers

Waltzing souls swirl together,
Within an eternal frame;
Their dance captured long ago,
True love still remains.

I actually prefer this one, although it is not true to the form..nevermind!

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Cindy

    Michael
    This is beautiful..I love the first line Waltzing souls. What a vision for the minds eye.

    Waltzing souls swirl together,
    Within an eternal frame;
    Their dance captured long ago,
    True love's masterpiece.

    Excellent job on this form. I see 2 lovers from long ago still locked together in a eternal dance.
    Great job!
    ((Hugs))
    Cindy

  • 16 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Nice job on this form and the one for fun. It is hard to get across a message in such a few short lines but you did a good job doing that.

  • 16 years ago

    by TheRevelation

    I enjoyed both versions of this unique and beautiful style of poetry. I envision the same picture as, "Miss Take," explained. Somewhere, that couple is still twirling to the song. Wonderful. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Michael,

    I loved both versions. They are both so romantic and written with such tenderness:)
    Beautiful:)

    (((hugs)))

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 16 years ago

    by gracey grey

    Very vivid imagery portrayed here. Perfect picture of a perfect moment captured for eternity. Very nice. Peace :)

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