Wow this was sad. made me smile and it made me sad. i love it. nice flow and very nicly riten.

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy

I like this poem it brought out a lot of emotions. It was sad but at the same time it wasn't it's complicated :) I loved the wording and it was a great length at first I thought that it might have been to long but you made it work. Nice job 5/5

That is amazing. I know how you're feeling, I'm sure Jason would be proud. Love the emotion you put into it. It's a beautiful piece done by a beautiful girl. 100/5 I loved it! ~KM~

That was very sad and full of emotion. 5/5

This one was amazingly deep
told like a tru story loved it

This was so beautiful i bursted into tears im so sorry, a true love story 5/5

I loved the last two lines! They ended the poem perfectly. I could play the scene nicely in my mind because you described it so well. There was a problem with the flow though. You rhymed in some parts where in others you didnt and some of the rhymes felt forced and didnt really fit with what you were trying to say. The emotions expressed here were real and I could tell they came straight from your heart. It was a bit simple for me but it got across a huge deal of emotion so I could say it was effective as a poem because it touches the reader. Just read through it a few times and youll catch where the rhymes seems forced and the flow seems off.

Well done.

The first time I saw you,
I almost cried.
I looked you in the eyes,
Remembering how we had said our goodbyes.

**The last line breaks up the flow. The previous lines are short and all use the past tense word forms, but this one uses a present tense (remembering) and is somewhat long. It is somewhat confusing as well. When you say "said our goodbyes" it makes it seem like a break up or that you knew the person for a long time, but the previous line states that its the first time you met. I would suggest revising the last line.

Your face was the same,
But you were covered in white
How can you stand before me this day,
Then smile at me and say,

** "Your face was the same" - I was still under the impression that this was the first time you met.

"I love you baby,
And I want to you know,
For the end of time,
Forever. Oh, and you will be fine."

** Maybe change the FOR THE END OF TIME to UNTIL THE END OF TIME. The word FOR confuses the subject.

"I want you back."
I spoke. And you shook your head.
"Must you always want what you can't have?
Look, I don't have much time to give.

** I would add the beginning of the second line to the end of the first line: "I want you back, I spoke." Or maybe try "Quietly speaking the words 'I want you back'" It supports the flow better.

"I love you dear, you know that,
But you should also know,
That because I love you a bunch,
I don't want you to suffer so much.

**I would suggest replacing the word BUNCH with a more powerful word or phrase, like "I love you eternally". It shows more emotion.

I tried once more to reach out to him,
But this time as I tried,
He started to fade,
Soon, another shade.

** The last line is really confusing. I see the point you are trying to make, but had to reread it several times. I suggest revamping that line.

** Overall, I liked the meaning or the subject of the poem. The flow was difficult to follow though, as some stanzas rhymed and some did not. Maybe try using a thesaurus to find different words to use to add more power. You used several weak words, like BUNCH and SPOKE. There is a great tool to use for free at www.rhymber.com. It has a thesaurus, dictionary and rhyming function. Given your age, this poem is not bad at all; some of what I mentioned will come with experience.

I love the title and the sincere yet heavenly metaphors in this very romantic poem

Wow. This was so much more then just amazing. Its so deep and so powerful. You’ve really done an excellent job here. It flowed so well, and your wording was just so….real. Its so sad, but at the same time, a really beautiful poem. Keep it up.

5/5

Stanza's 7,8,and 9 need quotation marks at the end of them ["].

Overall I liked this poem. It's very relatable in many ways. I think that you put your emotion in it quite well and overall it's a good poem (:

An okay write, the descriptions were great, and I felt as though I was in the writers shoes myself experiencing something similar, so good job with that.. imagery was good. Now - your rhyming, sometimes I felt as though it was forced.. but it wasnt bad at all, the flow was decent. The emotion was absolutely overflowing in the piece, I commend you on such a great job wth the emotions, they were clearly felt as the reader read further. Great write, you portrayed the emotion part so well that I thought really made your poem a success.
This was sorta like a story with a lot of dialouge, but the emotions really tugged at my heart. Touching piece to say the least.

Well done.
5/5.

Wow, truly captavating, lol. sweetastic. keep it up and I'll keep reading. 5/5

Wow thats really good. Its sad though. Nice job at giving an image. Thats way sad to think about that, it makes me want to cry. Keep writting.
-Arielle

The first time I saw you,
I almost cried.
I looked you in the eyes,
Remembering how we had said our goodbyes.

*very sad, and very powerful beginning.*

Your face was the same,
But you were covered in white
How can you stand before me this day,
Then smile at me and say,

"I love you baby,
And I want to you know,
For the end of time,
Forever. Oh, and you will be fine."

*great imagery in here, it was almost as if i was there to see it.*

I lightly smiled at your voice,
Lingering on every word,
I tried to reach out to you,
But my hand fell straight through.

*this is a sad part :(*

I gasped as you looked at me sadly,
You stepped closer to me with a small smile,
I looked at you, scared you might flee
As you continued to stare at me.

"I want you back."
I spoke. And you shook your head.
"Must you always want what you can't have?
Look, I don't have much time to give.

"I love you dear, you know that,
But you should also know,
That because I love you a bunch,
I don't want you to suffer so much.

"I know you want me back,
And I know how much you miss me.
I miss you too dear,
But you truly have nothing to fear.

"Some will hurt you,
But some will love you,
Give love a second chance,
Don't let us be your last dance.

"If it every gets to be too much,
Just call me down, I'm always here,
For I am your guardian angel,
As I will always be, I am no fable."

I tried once more to reach out to him,
But this time as I tried,
He started to fade,
Soon, another shade.

I silently cried, tears flowing down my cheeks,
But he just smiled at me and said,
"Goodbye my love,
Never forget, I shall always be your dove."

**These stanzas were awesome, they were so sad... sorry i didnt critique each one seperatly like the other poems, but my mom is rushing me to get off the computer, any ways, This poem was flawless, and the fact that you wrote it for someone was heart breaking. It had great imagery, and an amazing flow... great job!**

This is heartbraking but yet beutiful he would be very happy if he could read this and knowing how much he meant to you, I can`t find anything wrong with this poem 5/5