You Colour My World

by Hollymariee   Nov 3, 2008


Yesterday is just another memory ;
One more day you made me laugh so hard I cried .
Unearthing what I thought he took when he left ;
Couldn't have moved on without you by my side .
On my grayest days you brighten up my world ,
Like a rainbow piercing through a stormy sky .
Often only you can keep me from falling ;
Unforgiving to the jerks who've made me cry .
Realizing what's best for me much sooner ,
Much easier than I can do on my own .
You bring out the best in me even at my worst ..
What would I do if you left me all alone ?
One day we may be forced to part ; but if so ,
Remember all the nights we've spent together .
Laughing , crying .. Talking about everything ;
Dancing in memories we'll have forever

** if you didn't notice , this is an acrostic .. The first letter of every line matches the title :) .

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  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Ah, an acrostic poem.

    (Just to let you know, rhyme isn't everything and it was deliberate assonance in 'Hindsight')

    I must confess that it's a bit annoying with that space between your punctuation but if that's how you work, then so be it. I liked the language here, it's communicative and I enjoyed it as it was simple to read and had a relatable topic.

    'Y ou bring out the best in me even at my worst ..'

    I think 'even when I'm at my worst' would sound better and make more sense.

    'U nearthing what I thought he took when he left ;'

    Probably the best line, although I think the spaces between the first letter and the rest of the word makes it harder to read, you might wanna revise that.

    A good write, I was pretty impressed.

  • 15 years ago

    by You Kill Me

    I love this.
    I love every line and the fact that you started them all with the title, very well written.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Lethmelodis

    I've got to be straight forward and give you props for doing an acrostic straight out - I just can't pull it off.

    Second, you don't seem to force or push any of the rhymes in this piece, which also deserves praise, because I know that personally, on acrostics, I always have to force rhymes which really kills the flow of the whole thing - something you manage to not do. So kudos there :D

    Overall, just another amazing piece from you. You're an excellent poet when it comes to rhyme and flow, and I'm not just saying that either :P - you're definately better than me overall.

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "O n my grayest days you brighten up my world ,
    L ike a rainbow piercing through a stormy sky ."
    `Oh wow, I loved the similie here.. its so beautiful.. this person brought the color to your world when everything seemed so gloomy and dark. :]

    "Dancing in the memories we'll have forever."
    `So cute and so true.. I loved the word dancing! Definatly memories do stay forever.

    This poem shows nothing but true friendship.. youve pinpointed friendship very well here.

    5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    Chicka this was a very heartfelt piece. i wouldnt change on bit. it's pefrect how it is. to never forget the precious memories with friends like that. always keep them in ur corazon. i realie love it. cuz without friends like that. a life would be gray n stromy . im glad u have a friend like that. amazingly done.
    truly 5/5

    TaKE CaRe,
    Frenchy

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