Angel Take Me Home

by Jessie   Nov 4, 2008


Short little yellow lines
flying by like time
I am sitting so ever still
just feeling the thrill

Tears swelling in my eyes
I still refuse to cry
long sleeves hide weeping arms
consequences of self harm

Thoughts of death race through my mind
Memories once were so kind
Clench my jaw; squeeze the wheel
This all seems just too surreal

Flashback of that fateful night
when everything seemed so right
kiss, caress, a nibble there
run gentle fingers through my hair

Trusting lover home asleep
dreams of love ever so deep.
Waiting to hold his fiance,
not knowing I have gone astray

He awakes and waits for me
Just my voice makes him happy
Perfect man learns of the truth
Destroys whats all left of his youth

Can't take his cries nor what I've done
So I'll stare into the sun
Think of the life I don't deserve
As I drive my final curve

Long stretch of road belongs to me
more weight on foot ever slightly
Now I hear my angel call
I finally let my sad tears fall

Wheel starts to shake beneath my palms
speed sends racing minds to calm
lose control off into the ditch
I swear it was my final wish.

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Mello193

    Very good

  • 13 years ago

    by Lost Innocence

    This is pretty good..i like this one:D

  • 14 years ago

    by Curing the Comon Cliche

    Alright, first I thank you extraordinarily for your comments and ratings (I haven't had a comment in such a long time I forgot people could do that).

    I'm gonna give you the same advice I give many of the other poets on this site:

    Read your poems outloud. Poems were never supposed to be a silently read thing. This is why professional poets spend so much time and talent learning how to create tension. Here, read this outloud:

    "Short little yellow lines
    flying by like time
    I am sitting so ever still
    just feeling the thrill"

    You are definitely missing a beat in the last line.

    Advice numero dos, your rhyming scheme is too perfect. Like I said, reading things outloud really helps with this. This is how I write poems, not a rule as much as it is a personal observation. When I first started out writing poetry I had the idea of a poem, then I spent the next 30 minutes thinking of words to other words with. At the end of the writing process... my poem seemed empty and emotionless.

    Lets take a look at your rhymes:

    lines
    time
    still
    thrill
    eyes
    cry
    arms
    harm
    mind
    kind
    wheel
    urreal
    night
    right
    there
    hair
    asleep
    deep.
    fiance,
    astray
    me
    happy
    truth
    youth
    done
    sun
    deserve
    curve
    me
    slightly
    call
    fall
    palms
    calm
    ditch
    wish.

    It seems you spent a lot of time figuring out what to rhyme the word truth with, or all of these. This kills me to see.

    "Tears swelling in my eyes
    I still refuse to cry
    long sleeves hide weeping arms
    consequences of self harm"

    This is a good stanza, don't get me wrong, it has good flow. Self abuse is such a heavy thing, it's very raw and biting, and the stanza seems more concerned on being well put together than displaying any of this. Why? It rhymes too damn well. If you say what you feel, not what you think makes a good rhyme you'll get a lot more out of your poetry. I really experimented a lot with non-rhyming poetry, and free verse. It's changed the way I see rhyming poems now. Look at your last rhyme.

    Wish and ditch. They don't rhyme, but if you say it outloud it doesn't matter. Strive for this with all your rhymes. The poem will seem less forced.

    ~Curing the Common Cliche

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