And i never thought ( mhk )

And i never thought id hear myself saying it,
not to him.
and i never thought id be here,
not with him.
and i never thought id want to say it,
and now all i can do is hold myself back.
it seemed to only take that one.
( One, how many times before Ive only ever said one )
is it supposed to be like this?
because never before did i think it would be.
i find myself thinking of how things were planned,
& now have they've gone is such a different direction
a little girl with a candle,
a little girl with a smile,
twirling and twirling around in her dress,
and now she cant stop.
it wasn't supposed to be like this.
was it ?
or has fate once again gone and surprised me?
but what do i do now?
maybe i should just stop thinking
and maybe i should just enjoy the moment
( enjoy the ride )
but then theres that time where i find myself alone
and all i can do is think.
My room seems to get much bigger when theres only me there.
and there i am once again with the same question,
why is it so much colder when you wake up alone?
I don't want to hold back anymore.
How can i be the loudest person i know
yet when it comes to something like this I'm quiet and never say a word.
and i never thought id be sat here writing,
with no rhymes no structure.
and i never thought Head mess with my head this much
and i never thought id like it so much.
so what do i now?
can someone please tell me.
because I'm my perfect world,
he'd be here for ever
i wouldn't find myself missing his kisses, missing her eyes, missing his touch missing him.
Do i stop myself from saying what i want to say
and being what i want to be
or should i stay that little girl
twirling and singing.
what does someone do, when there plan goes wrong?
when the person you thought wouldn't be right.....
might just be?