I feel as though I'm not really alive. Nothing feels real anymore. Everything around me seems vague, like I'm watching everything and everyone around me through a clouded windshield while the rain beats down, hard and angry. But I know what this really is. This windshield is my wall, my protection from the looks of worry and pity you give. This rain, this rain is my tears. Pouring down mercilessly, never wanting to stop. I cry my tears of fear of losing you, of heartache for not having you with me now, of pain and joy and utter confusion. I've never felt so much at one time. I'm angry at you for not knowing what you want, for not loving me, for leaving me here crying for you, begging you to love me back. I'm terrified by the thought of losing you for good, of you not loving me, of rejection. I'm thankful for our time together, for the memories we've made, for the love we once shared, and could share once again. I feel helpless, waiting for you. I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a dirt road during the worst storm of the year, alone and frightened, praying that you'll love me, that you'll save me, that you still care...
