Comments : My future me

  • 16 years ago

    by Goodbye

    Self-talking. It is nice psychological treatment. Been there, done that sometimes myself.

    Well, in life we can never predict how relationships will end up. If we knew it will never work out we probably would not try and there would be some experiences missing from our lives. Everything has its own purpose. It is the destiny, qismah. Qismah plays us. Our lives are just features flying in the air without wings.

  • 16 years ago

    by claire

    I love this - fresh perspective, classic feel (love the "thee"), timeless love and longing . . . just wondering, what kind of poem is this? did you come up with the format, or is there an official name for it?

  • 16 years ago

    by Gabba Gabba Hey

    I actually like this, the rhyming definitely suits both the mood and point of the poem.
    I thought you pulled it off well without being cheesy, and still being sincere, but there is one line
    'or is it something really clever?'
    that I thought sounded forced.
    I love how your conclusion goes back to your introduction and binds the entire piece together.
    I like this!

  • 15 years ago

    by xXHunnyGurlXx

    So I ask of thee,
    my future me,
    was it worth it in the end?
    does she function as your lover,
    or is she just another friend?

    ^^Very good starting lines, loved it.

    what is the key,
    my future me,
    to win her heart for ever?
    must I sing her a lovely song?
    or is it something really clever?

    ^^This stanza explains what your poem is about in more depth, great flow well done

    what do you see,
    my future me,
    does she miss you when go?
    are you a couple or a team?
    oh it hurts me not to know!

    ^^does she miss you when 'YOU' go?
    just add that extra you and it will be fine.
    But other then that its perfect.

    so I ask of thee,
    my future me,
    was it worth all the lack of knowing?
    when she speaks or looks at me,
    feels like my heart will burst from glowing.

    ^^This ends the poem nicely, explaining alot in great sympathy..

    I really enjoy what you have created here.
    Keep it up.
    *Hunny*