Metal Star

"One by one Pennys fall
A wish upon a metal star
One by one events unfold
Like petals from a delicate rose"

^^ I really like these opening lines, I find them to be very thought provoking and I love the imagery in the last line here, so pretty.

I like the inspiration in this piece, the whole don't give up feeling portrayed throughout.

However, the fact that some parts rhymed and some didn't threw this of for me, and left the poem weaker than it would be if it was all either rhyme or free verse.

I like the closing lines in this piece, it brings it back to the not giving up feeling again.

I like the idea behind this piece, but I think it's not as strong as it could be...with a little work though, it could be something beautiful.

"One by one Pennys fall
A wish upon a metal star"
*The word `pennys` should be `pennies.`
--These first lines are really awesome. Simple, but they hold a mysterious magic too (: I was really excited to read the rest of the piece, you drag the reader right in.

"Like petals from a delicate rose
Droping down and starting to dry
These are the tales from our lives"
*Droping should be `dropping`
--These were some of my favorite lines in the poem. The cadence from the start to this point was flawless, and the images and ideas you offered to the reader were wonderful! After this point the meter was just a tiny bit jumpy, but that did not effect my overall view on the piece.

I think that this is a well written piece, you took a common subject, and made it refreshing with your choice of words. Nicely done. (:

Keep writing
down the bones,
`Nova

This is very much a reaturn to the voice of your writing that I am used to. I really think you have something here in how we will try our best, but feel it isn't enough. But then like you say fate intervienes and we achive more than we ever thought we could.

Fav lines

Feeling like you have to surrendur all youve gained
So tired but your feet trudge on

the title really popped out at me :)