Nice flow and structure. The overall story behind this poem was good, but there was a few errors that I noticed. 1) Puncuation, there was none. Puncuation is a big indicator of when to pause or stop reading. Also words like, "whyd" should have an apostrophy. 2) using words like, "gonna" and "gosh" just don't work for me when it comes to poetry, in my opinion it recks the overall feel of the poem.

Overall, it was well written, I'll give it a 4/5. Keep up the good work.

Peace, Joe