Comments : Lightning

  • 16 years ago

    by SilentSuicide

    I can feel the rythem of this poem. clearly a favorate of mine on this site<3

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Again your skill in the abab rhyme shceme stands outt with intense natural metaphors
    5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Very nice write with great flow and structure through out. I loved your choice of words as well.

    I noticed that in this poem you don't use puncuation through out. Using puncuation will not only help the reader to know when to pause or stop. I can't stress it enough, puncuation is a big part of making it flow better as well the overall structure (which in your case is good except for the fact you have no puncuation)

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by Katie

    "The wind conspires with dark clouds
    The arrival of this storm shall be soon
    A lightning that could destroy crowds
    Falls upon the soft shine of the moon"
    That last line was really neat. I'd never heard that before.
    "Electricity running through my veins
    The sound of the thunder, from high above
    Is the confusing beat that my heart sustains
    Struck by the lightning that you call love"
    Again, the last line was a really powerful point. It was a great poem to read for me. It was visual in a dark, romantic way. I loved it!