Close the Door.

Thanks i guess...but if it need changing then i would of done it.

I'd definitely say that this poem is good. I think it needs work, more cosmetic work than really emotion. When I say cosmetic, I mean that some parts the flow seems off and the wording just needs rearranged. I'm all for no punctuation and capital letters at times, but I don't think this poem is a time for that. So, that's surely got to be taken up a level. I hope it's not too harsh, because you do have a great poem. And, I believe that every poem needs some sort of change for every different individual. Therefore, the changes I make are to my interest, not really yours/all readers interest. If you have questions or if what I've done confuses you in anyway just let me know. And, once again I don't want to hurt your feelings, so many people take my changes to offense and that's not how I mean it to be at all. You've a wonderful poem here and with just a few MINOR changes it can be absolutely amazing.

- - - - - -

YOUR FIRST STANZA:
Cant take these tears anymore
so now it's time for me to close the door
cant see that sparkle in your eyes
all i see is broken promises and lies

MY CHANGE:
[ I can't take these tears anymore.
So, now it's time to close the door.
I can't see the sparkle in your eyes,
all I see are broken promises and lies]

Comments: Notice that I didn't hardly change anything. And, it was ALL cosmetic. Just a few words added and taken out to make it flow better. Your way is just fine, though. The other way makes more sense to me [and probably a lot of readers].

YOUR SECOND STANZA:
You gave my heart a tore
and now it's something i adore
thought you were an angel, but your a devil in disguise
i gave you more than enough, but don't think you realize

MY CHANGE:
[I thought you were an angel,
but you're a devil in disguise.
I gave you more than enough,
but I don't think you realize.]

Comments: I did take out the first two lines, which I hated doing. I think that they're good lines and have a lot of meaning. But, there was such a difference in the whole wording that it didn't sound right. If you wanted to go to another level with the poem though, and have each stanza with a different amount of lines you could easily work those two lines in the first two as " You gave my heart a tore. And now it's something I adore. ...[rest of the stanza]"

YOUR THIRD STANZA:
So here i am laying down flat on the floor
trying to here something else, cause your lies are a bore
and saying sorry wont make you wise
nor will your smile, cause it just gives me tears to cry

MY CHANGE:
[So here I am, laying flat on the floor.
Trying to hear something else; your lies are a bore.
And, saying sorry won't make you wise,
nor will your smile - it just gives me tears to cry.]

Comment: This is probably my least favorite stanza. Because the flow doesn't go too well no matter how you do it. I actually think it's lacking a bit of emotion. But, since the rest of the poem is great then this is fine. And, works okay with the poem.

YOUR FOURTH STANZA:
I gave you love and so much more
and got pretend in return
guilt kicks in when I'm trying to say my goodbyes
but i hope i made you realize

MY CHANGE:
[I gave you love and so much more
And, just got pretend in return.
Guilt kicks in when I say good-byes...
But, I hope that I made you realize-]

Comment: I really like this stanza, and as you can see hardly any changes were made.

YOUR LAST STANZA:
I cant take these tears anymore
and it's time for me to close the door.

MY CHANGE:
[ I can't take these tears anymore,
So, now it's time to close the door]

Comment: This last stanza works fine your way. The only reason I 'changed' it was so that it went with the first stanza. But, it works fine either way. And sounds okay either way.

Thanks.=D

That was a very emotional poem i like it :) you have a very engaging writing style great job!