Reflections

See what I see when I look in the mirror
The blurs of all my imperfections are getting clearer
The curve of my spine running to my hips
To the shape of my head and the softness of my lips

I trace the reflection that I see
Wondering if this is all that I will ever be
Dark brown hair and emerald green eyes
Looking at me now, a part of me dies

Seeing no beauty just a took up life
Wasted on a girl that depends on a knife
Scars on her body to show where it led
Sometimes she just sits alone and wishes she was dead

I scream at the mirror, slam my fists hard
I know with the way I am I'll never get far
Drop to my knees against the pieces
Rock back and forth as the pain increases

Bloody shards of glass stain the floor
As I lean my head up against the door
All the memories flood the room
As for death, I'll face my doom

My nightmares are carried with me everyday
As the laughs and tears are starting to fade
The way I feel, I'm already lost
Every tear I cried came at a cost

Every scream I shouted alone with every word I said
I made a mountain of lies now I must sleep in my bed
Every tortured yell that cut through my soul
Now I'm beinning to think killing myself was the goal

I stare at all the pieces that stare back at me
It seems no matter how much I tellthem to leave me alone they never let me be.
Take another hit on my wrist to try to make the pain go away
Scars written as examples to explain all the things I never got to say

My days and nights are getting harder
And my dreams seem to be slipping farther
All I can see is black ahead
Maybe that's why I dream that I'm dead

I try to hide the pain that I always feel
I really don't think I have anymore room to heal
Overshadowed thoughts always fill my mind
Of all the hurt and memories I can't leave behind

All the people that I've hurt in my life
I honestly don't know why I put up the fight
Though I'm sorry and I always will be
These are only some of the things that I see

My reflection in the mirror is starting to crack
Breaking because it's losing room to show me everything I lack
From the scars on my bloody wrists
To every vain that I missed

To the feeling of no self control
Now comes the time I must reap what I sew
All the words that spill out of my mouth
Every single anxious feeling; every single doubt

I keep staring at my reflection, the face inside the mirror
As the darkness that surrounds me starts to get nearer
All the bits and pieces that are shattered on the floor
Look up at me in disappointment. They don't want this body anymore.

I don't think my reflection will ever rearrange
Some things about it I'll never be able to change
Though the shape of my body will have its ups and downs
I'll always be left here holding a sad frown

The frown inside my eyes I can never take back
I'll stay there along with all the mistakes I'll always have to pack
The things I see when I look at myself
Is nothing compared to what I really have felt

Days go by and nights are a blur
I'll open my eyes when I stir
I'll go the mirror and look at what I'll always see
This stupid girl who doesn't want to be me