Invasion of my mind

She was the best and worst experience of my life
her deceit wholly inexcusable yet my words flow again,
unadulterated joy followed by such painful strife
in my anger and torment I made her share the pain.

My retribution was coldly and cruelly dispensed,
intended to inflict suffering far exceeding my own
and I felt the warmth of victory, short but intense.
Now emptiness returns as I ponder the seeds I have sown.

Every kiss since hers initiates my memory of betrayal
how can I trust anyone after such a brutal treason
surely every lover will hide their motives behind a veil,
am I doomed to eternally search out the reason?

Still I reminisce of the rapture we once shared
trying to convince myself that it was all a mirage
yet desperately wishing that she had really cared,
will my mind ever be free from this insane collage?