Black Man Down

by Cardiyac   Nov 18, 2008


Shots fired. Sirens. Black Man Down.
in a pool of blood he lays
struck down by designated strays
something told him that he might be
quickly approaching the end of his days
maybe if he had heard deaths footsteps he could've quickened his pace
put some pep in his step as the old folks say

A mother's son
brother to a few and kin to many
struck down in his prime
true meaning to the phrase, 'Age aint nothing but a number'
invited to that permanent slumber party where we all got a pillow or a
nice spot on the floor in front of the tv waiting for us
go 'head....get comfortable...

But the worst part about it is that he didn't get to say his last goodbyes
tell his mama that, she didn't have to worry about him no mo'
that anxious feeling that all black mothers feel
when they're raising their kids in these urban killing fields
the hopelessness of hearing gun shots go off outside
not knowing if it's your turn to take that long ride
vehicles set in single file line
with bright orange stickers in the windshields
colder than winter's worst wind chill

Reminding us all
that even family trees lose leaves in the fall
that were still green in color
all too often plucked from the hands of another brother
same story repeats itself...
in every ghetto, every hood, every city, every town
Shots fired. Sirens. Black Man Down

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Sole

    Wow. Didn't think I'd like it at first, from a glance it looked choppy and messy. However, this gave the poem an edge and really brought out the shocking truth within the lines.

    'Shots fired. Sirens. Black Man Down.'

    What an opening line! Using full stops to punctuate each part gives a feeling of shock and reality. Using this line at the end of the poem also rounds it off nicely, reminding us of the meaning and giving the reader something to think about.

    A mother's son
    brother to a few and kin to many
    struck down in his prime
    true meaning to the phrase, 'Age aint nothing but a number'
    invited to that permanent slumber party where we all got a pillow or a
    nice spot on the floor in front of the tv waiting for us
    go 'head....get comfortable...

    I wasn't sure about this stanza. It didn't seem to connect so well with the others. Rather than having a free-rhyme scheme it didn't rhyme at all. This didn't affect the stanza regarding impact, but it did set it apart slightly from the rest of the poem. I adored the imagery you used, with death as a 'permanent slumber party where we all got a pillow or a
    nice spot on the floor in front of the tv '
    This was updated, original and well worded.

    The rest of the poem was practically flawless, and by far my favourite lines were

    'Reminding us all
    that even family trees lose leaves in the fall '

    Again, superb imagery.

    Amazing write, thanks for this.

    Sole x

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