...i liked the ending, i feel the samething trust me
Raindrops 5/5

I really enjoyed this poem. I thought the flow was off in majority of it, more so when reading out aloud. The emotional part of this piece is great, right where it needs to be. And, other than the flow it all goes together really well.

Here am I laying in this bed
the one we used to share.
You're not here anymore
but you don't seem to care.

[Here I am laying in this bed,
the one we used to share.
But, you're not here anymore
and you don't seem to care]

Comments: I think the layout with the re-written stanza just goes better and sounds better (especially when reading out aloud).

A ghost is all I'm left with
and maybe a memory or two.
Tears well up in my eyes
it's a pain I never knew.

[A ghost is all I'm left with,
maybe a memory or two.
Tears well within my eyes,
it's a pain I never knew]

commets: I really like this stanza. With the few fixes it makes it flow better.

I look over and expect you
even though I know you're gone.
The nights are the easy part-
the problem is waking at dawn.

[ I look over and expect you
even though I know you're gone.
Nights are the easy part -
the problem is at dawn]

Comments: The only reason I changed it is because the LAST line only threw off flow, and in order to make it sound right with changing that I had to change the line before it.

I've lost my heart and my soul
and my muse has left me here.
I'm leaving everyone else now
and my intentions are clear.

[I've lost my heart and soul,
my muse has left me here.
I'm leaving everyone else now
and my intentions are very clear.]

Comments: once again the only problem was flow. A few minor fixes and it flows well.

Bree, I will comment on your most recent work..I realise that it is entitled 'my muse has gone, so I will only comment on the poem's emotion. :O)

Here am I laying in this bed
the one we used to share.
You're not here anymore
but you don't seem to care.
^
A scene set, a sad scene. It is more than a picture of an empty bed, rather a picture of loneliness, a bed meant for two, but now only one. The emptiness screams out here, but also an air of resentment, which gives the reader the urge to read on..

The sheets are cold now
without the warmth from you.
Why am I dwelling on this
there's nothing I can do.
^
I like the way you have described the sheets, cold without the warmth. I also read into this the cold emanating from a lonely heart, a rejected heart. The emotion ends with hopelessness and a question..this must be answered and so I read on..

A ghost is all I'm left with
and maybe a memory or two.
Tears well up in my eyes
it's a pain I never knew.
^
Again references to coldness..a ghost resembling the cold, but also the memory that still hangs in the air. This is a wonderfully clear image, evoking appropriate emotions. A surprise for the reader here as you end this stanza with a fact that you have never felt this kind of loss before...I find honesty such as this always comes across well in a poem as it is the truth will all recognise and so appreciate to read.

I look over and expect you
even though I know you're gone.
The nights are the easy part-
the problem is waking at dawn.
^
The way you refer back to the empty bed, give a sense of elapsed time, a long evening spent dwelling on what used to be and what could have been. The admission of the nights being easy, must be the part where sleep takes you, removes you from the torment of this situation, then sadly consciousness brings you back to another lonely day, back to a mind full of memories, full of ghosts and cold thoughts.

I've lost my heart and my soul
and my muse has left me here.
I'm leaving everyone else now
and my intentions are clear.
^
This the final stanza, the poems title acknowledges itself and so the reader realises its meaning. With an overload of lonely emotions, pitiful thought and anguish over a situation that shows no signs of relenting this poets mind is drained through exhaustion. Not only has the muse gone, but sadly hints of a will to go on, this suggests a possible decision to leave this situation behind, the whole world behind, for what is there to live for..what?

This is such a dark way to end this poem, but it's end is beautifully dark, tragic and so perfect for this poem. *Not for you though* ((hugs))

Well done Bree, an honest write which I enjoyed commenting on.

Michael

Very touching poem. Personally, I wouldn't want to go through a phase where life holds no significance. Memories are meant, i suppose to hold on to better times, but as humans, (and I can't comprehend why) we hold on to what could have been or should have been!! sigh......:) congrats on the 100th poem!!!

A very touching write...
I have been there many times myself and often felt like never coming back and just end it all...but I never did and neither will you:)

Take care,

/5 Ingri

The last piece fell off, lol:

5/5 Ingrid