Last Cry Out (Our Last Hope)

by Miss Behaving   Nov 19, 2008


Do you hear them crying out in pain?
They were so proud, standing up so tall.
Hear them screaming out as they fall?
On the ground they lay, their life drained.

Their life is worth a great value to us.
We pay lots of money for their death.
They can no longer take another breath.
Which makes it hard for us to adjust.

With them dead, who shall keep us alive?
They affect our lives in so many ways.
They help us and is this how we repay?
Killing them off will not help us survive .

Don't you see how much they really cost?
Open your eyes, without them we're in hell.
The rough grounds are bare where they fell.
Without them, all hope for survival is lost.

We are too busy to understand the life they give.
Too worried about work and school to really see,
All the benefits and jobs they do for us for free.
We take advantage of them, yet they still forgive.

We cut them down till they can no longer stand.
We do it in large amounts, so they can't come back.
Slice and chop at them, we keep up our attack,
Like a war, killing for the land, so we can expand.

Looking into the future, it doesn't look too bright.
The waters have rose, and many have drowned.
Many have starved, and illness is all around.
Is this the future we want to have in our sight?

The temperature is hot, and its hard to breath.
The weather is berserk, loud cracks of thunder.
Animals run, but there are no trees to hide under.
A world in which humans will die out and leave.

Nature will live on without us here.
Humans are the ones keeping it down.
All its doing is helping us stay around.
This is our future we have set, I fear.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    Overall the meaning of the poem is good, but the presentation needs a little adjustment. I thought the words THEY THEIR OUR were used too much and too close together. There is a GREAT tool I found on this site; I use it all the time. Go to www.rhymer.com; it helps find words that rhyme, but it also has a thesaurus and dictionary link. This may help you find more powerful words. Instead of THE WEATHER IS CRAZY, try THE WEATHER IS FULL OF SUPRISE or SHIFTING SKYS OVERHEAD. Make good use of powerful words to climax reader’s attention.

    I would also break up the flow a little bit. Using long lines sometimes let readers get lost in thought.

    Looking into the future,
    it doesn't look too bright.
    The waters have rose
    many people have drowned.
    Many have starved,
    illness is found all around.
    Is this the future we want
    to have in our sight?

    Shorter stanzas seem to flow better. Lastly I would try to shorten the line down all together.

    Looking into the future, it doesn't look too bright.
    *The future does not look too bright (could be reworded)
    **The future only holds a bleak and miserable path.

    Overall, the poem was pretty good. Keep it up and take peoples comments to heart.

  • 16 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Overall this is a wonderful write, I loved the flow and the structure of this poem. The rhymes were good and didn't seem forced at all, excellent work.

    The word, "are" in this line, "They affect are lives in so many ways." should be, "our" since you mean yours and others lives.

    The word, "it" in this line, "All its doing it helping us stay around." should be, "is"

    I liked the way this poem is about survival of the fit, even though you didn't come straight out and say it. Excellent write, keep up the good work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    Nice poem:)
    I really enjoyed the way you did the rhyming. I haven't seen it done like that before. So very unique! The one thing I thought was lacking was the emotion. In my journalistic writing class were told to show and not tell, so maybe if you put in some sensory words more people would be drawn into the full depth of the story. 4/5

  • 16 years ago

    by PlasticSmile

    I agree, you're in need of punctuation.
    But as for the poem itself, I loved it!
    You have some great talent, there is just a few kinks you need to work on with your writing. You have some great ideas in this poem, and I would love to see some more poems from you. 4.5/5

    keep it up, and keep writing!

    :)<3

  • 16 years ago

    by ether

    "The weather is crazy" isn't the most poetic phrase.
    You need punctuation at the end of your lines.
    And I think this goes too long.

    You say the same thing but in slightly different ways for too long in this poem, deal with an issue then progress, that's important.
    Also, with longer poems you really have to pull the reader in at the beginning with either emotions or images which this is lacking.

    But that can be easily worked on.

    Punctuation will help the flow a lot, and it guides the reader on how to read the poem.

    I did like what you had to say in this, I agree for the most part.
    The last two words sum up the whole poem wonderfully "I fear". Perfect.

    I still liked this a lot, 4/5.

    jess ~

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