Lightning

by ether   Nov 19, 2008


A fan of flashes that come in all white.

Raindrops are just needles to inject life into land,
While putting hand brakes on before the light shines green,
Sliding not slipping through roads tight as held hands,
It's not always easy to speak of where I've been.

Don't walk alone down alleys or dirt roads at night.

You taught me all I needed to know about distance
And changing gears with limited visibility,
Although why have I been brought into your existence?
Our names fit as an abuse of alliteration, my vulnerability.

Never did you see the oil and blood on our road.
I was telling you we are moving faster than the needle rain.
You weren't an escape or something to ease the load,
Just something to put a little ease on the pain.

Sealed lips don't always bring delight.

Couldn't tell you how anything made me feel,
Why do you seal your eyes when it's thunder you 'see',
Are you shifting emotions, trying to make them real?
I'm lost in the rain again, but you'd expect that from me.

Sometimes lightning seems the only light.

-Downvoters, I'm honoured.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Excellent write... simply amazing... the imagery is superb... well deserved Win...

    "Sometimes lightning seems the only light."

    ^^ very touching and powerful line...

    keep writing...

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Okay woow. I was so impressed with this write.. most lines had a touch of uniqueness and originality..I love your way of thinking and writing things.

    "Rain drops are just needes to inject life into land"
    `Wow. This one was line that I was highly impressed and nearly speechless after reading. I just could not believe the word choice here. You refer to the rain drops as needles that inject life into the land.. Injects?.. Talent! :] You have your way with words.. that is for sure! I LOVED the way you worded this line.. it is very original through my eyes!

    I'm very impressed with this piece, you have basically left me speechless.. and I was very pleased when I read that it won today.. this piece is very deserving.. its not like your normal poem.. its above and beyond that, it is overflowing with originality and uniqueness. I am so impressed! :] Gosh I wish I had your talent! Well done!

    5/5. Very well deserved.

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    I was captured by this poem from beginning 'til end. It was elegant and quite amazing to be honest. I really don't see a wow factor in it, but the way you described the feelings and used the similes and metaphors just captured me. It had just a hint of elegance to it, but not too much. A few changes and I believe this poem will be absolutely perfect. You have astonishing talent, my dear.

    "A fan of flashes that come in all white."
    ** I don't really get how it can be a 'fan' of flashes. I guess I kind of get it, but I thought it was an odd way to put it. Very interesting though. Good first line.

    Rain drops are just needles to inject life into land,
    ** "Rain drops are just needles that inject life into land," << sounds a bit better that way and flows better as well.

    Sliding not slipping through roads tight as held hands,
    ** This line does make sense to me, but I think that it'll flow better as "Sliding not slipping through roads as tight as held hands". Since you are using a simile.

    Don't walk alone down alleys or dirt roads at night.
    " Don't walk alone down alleys nor dirt roads at night" << I've never understood the difference between or and nor, lol. But, I always thought that nor sounded more elegant and less blunt, therefore I think that with your poem it would be better to use "nor".

  • 16 years ago

    by Vox

    5/5

    Vaughn

  • 16 years ago

    by Vox

    Lightning, the only light.... hmm that sounds nice, you could do a whole string on that topic.

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