Move On

by Brittany C   Nov 20, 2008


Time will go on
leaving us behind
in the course of time
if we don't learn to move on.

Things may get hard
challenging our minds.
Our hearts and our souls
will drift on the tide.

Watching time pass by
standing on the side of the road.
That's no way to live our life’s
time will continue on.

I know that it's hard
I've been there before.
It drains everything out of you
leaving us alone on the shore.

Let’s show our strength
it's there deep inside.
Move on, I know we can
or time will leave us behind.

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  • I loved this poem. I know someone who could use this type of advice. I love the way you wrote it though. It was really good. I liked it a lot.

    .:CiiNDY:.

  • 15 years ago

    by xToBeWithYoux

    This is a really nice poem, which a good conecpt and generally flowing lines.....:

    Time will go on
    Leaving us behind
    In the course of time
    If we don't move on.

    ^^ Very impactive first stanza, I like this a lot. :)

    Things may get hard
    Challenging our mind,
    Our hearts and our souls
    Will drift on the tide.

    ^^ Excellent use of imagery and metaphors here, but the flow has started to go a bit O.o

    Watching time pass by
    Standing on the road side
    There's no way to live our life
    Time will spin like a dime.

    ^^ The flow went a bit in the third line, so maybe that needs looking at, but overall very good stanza, with strong imagery.

    I know that it's hard
    I've been there before.
    It drains everything out of us,
    Leaving us alone on the shore.

    ^^ Again the rhythm needs looking at, but a nice stanza, continuing the subtle theme of time being a tide.

    Lets show our strength
    It's there deep inside.
    Move on, I know we can
    Or time will leave us behind.

    ^^ Nicely finishing off by linking back to the start again. Beautiful :)

    All in all, it is a very good poem with a lovely conecpt and theme running throughout. As simplyfrigid said, the flow needs a bit of tweaking but apart from that it is very good :)

    Keep writing,
    Em :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Katie

    This poem talks of moving on with life instead of just sitting there thinking of what's happened. I lov eit because it tlaks of strength instead of giving up. Awesome poem!

  • 15 years ago

    by Austin

    The meaning was well put-out, but you need to restructure this one. There was barely any rhythm to it. It was more like a lot of statements, I wont' give it a bad rating though simply because it's not what the poem looks like, as opposed to what it means.

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    You've got a good poem here. It needs a few tweaks and such, but it's a decent poem. Good meaning/emotion.

    Things may get hard
    challenging your mind
    heart and soul.

    [Things may get hard,
    challenging your mind,
    your heart, your soul]

    I thought that this needed changed because of the flow and it didn't sound right before. I know that 'your' is in there a LOT. And, at times I think those words shouldn't even be used, but this time I think there's a huge exception and it sounds better.

    Watching time pass you by
    Is no way to live your life.
    Time will go on without you.

    [ Watching time pass you by
    is no way to live your life.
    Time can go on without you.]

    The reason I changed that is because when you use the word can it's more of an option you're able to make.

    I know that it's hard
    I've been there before.
    It drains everything out of you
    leaving you feeling so alone.

    [ I know it's hard
    I've been there before.
    It drains everything out of you,
    and leaves you feeling alone.]

    ^^ Makes it flow better

    Show your strength
    it is there deep inside you.
    Move on, I know you can
    or time will go on without you.

    [ Show your strength
    it's there deep inside of you.
    Move on, I know that you can.
    or time will go on without you.]

    The reason I left 'will' is because the 'can' is in the line before, telling the option.