Comments : Love is the only thesis

  • 16 years ago

    by Conrad

    Like a flower so aesthetic but still arcane,
    That is a brilliant line! I loved the poem.

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    This is a decent poem. I think that quite a few stanza's seemed off to me and needed something more. They lacked emotion, flow, and just about everything. Other than those you've a good poem. And, once you change those it will be a well written poem. Good idea/meaning portrayed, btw.

    "Dear heart,
    it's not long since you have split apart,
    but still I want to warn you.
    The ones who are to blame for that
    Have forgotten you have to get looked (at) to."

    [Dear heart,
    it's not been long since you split apart,
    but still I need to warn you.
    The ones that we must blame,
    have forgotten to remember you.]

    - I know that 'you' is repeated instead of rhyming but it still works out. Sometimes you don't want to focus on the rhyme scheme but rather the words themself. As you can tell it's pretty much the same thing you wrote with very few changes and it helps A LOT.

    NOTE: 'need' was put in there for EMOTION.

    Other stanzas that could be changed: 2, 12, 13.

    "Oh lady, lady you broke his heart,
    in so many many pieces,
    not leaving him a single part,
    love still remains the thesis."
    - This is well written. And, it has the title in it. Which I think is good because it makes that impact in the poem.

    "he hopes to be soon okey."
    [ he hopes to soon be okay]

  • 15 years ago

    by heartbrokengrl

    Wow this poem is amazing i loved it. the way you express what its like wow i loved it

  • 15 years ago

    by Brad Quammen

    I really don't know what to sat about this. Anything I say would be an understatement, nonetheless here goes nothing.

    This is one of the best poems I've come across in a long while, definately better than any of my own. I love your style. I hope to read many more like this in the future. I know I didn't say much but like I said, I really don't know what to say. 5/5 ^_~"

  • 15 years ago

    by AnCi

    Dear heart,
    it's not long since you have split apart,
    but still I want to warn you.
    The ones who are to blame for that
    Have forgotten you have to get looked (at) to.

    - I love the way you start this poem, specially with the words "dear heart"

    Her heart devoted for another man,
    she abandons her heart from his,
    persuading himself that he doesn't love her, as best as he can,
    but still yearning for a last kiss.

    - A very good way to continue the poem, and even though there are a lot of feelings in this part I don't feel that those words have made a powerful impression on me.

    Blinded from the man's pretended affection,
    she paints her life in blue,
    his heart's desire for more satisfaction,
    crack crack, it breaks in two.

    "Crack, crack, it breaks in to".. Believe it or not these words made my heart jump, when i read "crack crack" it was alomst like i could see a heart that quickly breaks. Amazing!

    Oh lady, lady you broke his heart,
    in so many many pieces,
    not leaving him a single part,
    love still remains the thesis.

    - I love the way you keep repeting this throughout the poem.

    Get taken away the most precious thing,
    he cries the nights away,
    searching for a small short sedative fling,
    he hopes to be soon okey.

    - Very good part, and i guess it's undestandable that you start searching for others even if it's just to easen the pain.

    The comfort he gets from his daughter,
    his heart finds time to breathe,
    but hearing the neighbor's harassed laughter,
    again full with anger he starts to seethe.

    - This part left a very powerful impression on me, and i almost get angry at the neighbourhood for sticking their nose where it doesn't belong.

    Oh lady, lady you broke his heart,
    in so many many pieces,
    not leaving him a single part,
    love still remains the thesis.

    The lies that she keeps trying to explain,
    it no longer seems him true,
    but soon it will drive him insane,
    wake up, oh lady, he's still in love with you.

    - Another very powerful part! Specially the last line, it's almost like someone is shaking her trying to make her understand.

    Hope - the only thing that is left,
    he tries to endure the pain,
    the empty heart still left in theft,
    his love still remains the same.

    - Amazing. I guess hope is the thing that dies last, and it is the only thing that we have left when everything else has been taken away.

    Oh lady, lady you broke his heart,
    in so many many pieces,
    not leaving him a single part,
    love still remains the thesis.

    Writing letters to his desire,
    She keeps them in a box with pride,
    Still able to see in his eyes the fire,
    He holds her in his arms so tight.

    - I did not really understand this part so I'm afraid that i cannot comment. Is it letters to the new guy or her ex?

    The passion, fading between her and her new flame,
    She has to realize she chose the wrong
    It so long hasn't been the same,
    She finally knows who has to stay (by her side) for long.

    - A part full of regret-emotions. I can almost feel them. I love it.

    Like a flower so aesthetic but still arcane,
    Their hearts bond from two to one,
    Trying not to deviate from the lane,
    Which they had to go for so long.

    - Simply amazing!

    Oh lady, lady you combined his heart,
    those many many pieces,
    leaving it as a single part,
    love is the only thesis.

    - I really love this poem. I am really sorry about you parents divore though.. But when reading the poem i can both understand and feel what was going on! That is what makes this a 5/5 :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This stirred a lot of emotion in me and the rhythm and rhyme never messed a beat