Comments : Just Another Rainy Day

  • 15 years ago

    by DreamingOutLoud

    Structure your lines better so people can get that emotional feel because I had to read it twice to kind of break each line and the second time I was like hejj this poem is actually good. I learnt that because I used to do it too and then people gave feedback and they're like do this and do that. Trust me it works because stanzas allow people to get into the poem you know. Here is an example of how I would do it:

    Drip drop, drip drop
    I see what time it is on my clock; Twelve midnight
    The rain reminds me of the tears in your eyes. On the day I walked out on you; Forgive me I had to
    That day the rain was slow, but loud
    No sunshine, just dark clouds

    I still see your face looking out the window, screaming and calling my name
    I couldn't stay
    I keep hearing your voice saying "Please, don't go, don't go."
    But I walked on; I was feeling a little hollow

    Now that I'm here, those memories won't disappear
    I don't understand, now why I went away
    But today is just another rainy day.

    Hope this kind of helps :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Annaam

    Very sad. .. . :(

    The emotions are strong though... And yes, I agree with the person above... U should improve the structure so that the poem can get the praise it deserves... Cuz it is a good write!

    Keep It Up! :)