She'll never escape (broken wings)

"She'll never escape (broken wings)"
by Gizmo

"Cold,alone,broken lieing motionless on the ground,
So this is where you left this girl to be found?
In a place that shes always hated in a world that don't care,
you've scarred her emotionally, by leaving her there."

I feel the emotion so strong here the rhyme though flawless is very second the way it should be in an unforced style such as this

"Her wings are all shattered, like glass on the floor,
stupid girl thought she would fly away, but she'll never really soar,
So this is where you left the one you love to be found?
She can't even cry shes so used to this hard cold ground."

I feel you again, your pain is expressed so unforced that I have to read twice to notice you are more comfortable with rhyme as I am

"Hit her again, she likes the colours you leave on her skin,
she must do you no! shes staying, when shes dieing within,
she crawls to your feet begging you no more pain,beatings or rape,
you just laugh, and stand on her wings so she will never escape"

All of the improper grammar seems so irrelevant and ‘ missing punctuation does not take away from the emotion though I am certain it will be pointed out

I feel your pain and it would be a shame if others focus on shes over she’s and a failure to hit the spacer after a coma

Cold,alone,broken lieing motionless on the ground,
So this is where you left this girl to be found?
In a place that shes always hated in a world that don't care,
you've scarred her emotionally, by leaving her there.

*Nice. You spelled lying wrong. For the second line i would change don't care to doesn't care and the last line i would change to by leaving her here. But other than that I get waht your saying.*

Her wings are all shattered, like glass on the floor,
stupid girl thought she would fly away, but she'll never really soar,
So this is where you left the one you love to be found?
She can't even cry shes so used to this hard cold ground.

*This one was better, I would't change a thing.*

Hit her again, she likes the colours you leave on her skin,
she must do you no! shes staying, when shes dieing within,
she crawls to your feet begging you no more pain,beatings or rape,
you just laugh, and stand on her wings so she will never escape.

*Wow..this ending was so deep and rich with emotions. I loved it. Change dieing to dying. Really nice work here. Shanik*

When someone steps on your"wings" then there is not an equal relationship...
I found this a scary poem, it speaks of abuse in more ways then one...

Take care,

5/5 Ingrid

This is really powerfully emotional . Really sad , you have no idea . There's a few grammar mistakes , and you should really put some spaces after your punctuation because people might over look it and not read it properly . The last couple lines , I will honestly never forget . They're incredibly powerful , a perfect way to end a poem . 5<5 definately .

That was such a messed up poem, but a very good one. :] It's so sad that these kinds of things happen, I think she should be strong enough to get up and leave, but I can understand why she doesn't. Easier said than done as they always say. I think you painted the picture here very nicely.. I could see everything in my head, him hitting her, and she just stays on the ground..

Um.. there were just a few things that can easily be fixe, so I'll point those out to you. :]

Cold,alone,broken lieing motionless on the ground,
-- There should be a space after all the comma's, and "lieing" should be "lying".

In a place that shes always hated in a world that don't care,
-- I think "don't" should be "doesn't".

She can't even cry shes so used to this hard cold ground.
-- If I were you.. I'd change the word "cold" to something else. You've already used it once in the beginning of the poem, so maybe try a different way to describe it? Maybe.. frigid, harsh, or cruel? Something like that. :]

Hit her again, she likes the colours you leave on her skin,
-- Just got to say I really love that line. >.>

she must do you no! shes staying, when shes dieing within,
-- Um, this like kind of confuses me.. I tihnk you mean "you know!", but I'm not sure. Also, again "dieing" should be "dying".

she crawls to your feet begging you no more pain,beatings or rape,
-- Spaces between the comma's. Oh and there should be another comma after "beatings".

you just laugh, and stand on her wings so she will never escape.
-- I think that was a perfect way the end the poem. Seriously. It shows into the future.. how she'll never be able to leave, because he's always holding her down and making her stay somehow. Drepressng.. but it really fit the whole poem.

Overall, loved it!

Great job! :]

Cayce