Been a while since i let the ink
brush against the sad, sad white
been a while since i needed to
since i had to find my peace
in writing for you - my confession
i wish the cancer was in me
when those final days held you there
suffering, i would have suffered
not to live, i would have ceased
even as pain ate my reason
my love would have endured
and the instinctual need to run
would not overcome such loyalty
in your heaven, tell me
do you hear my panicked voice?
now, do you see me searching?
grasping at the cold, stale air
it's me in an empty space
remembering that your name
was lost.
it's me on knees at the middle of a road
bloodied and beaten, dirtied
it's me bending, shaking, heaving
whimpering
it's me punching walls
and pleading wordlessly
staring at a blank screen
it's me terrified to share you
afraid of what they'd think
i played the coward
when you deserved the good i know
each smile, every gram of love and friend
for i hate them all in taking you
when i swore i'd be in place
stolen from me, they tore you from
my hands and weighted heart
did you really have to go?
i was secure, you would be my friend
my someone to depend on
my staff to lean on, but you disappeared
then i came crashing, everything - crashing
now what am i to do? i miss you
my sweet lis,
i'm just as lost as you.
