Interesting poem.

First off, looking at the poem without reading any of it, I would be hesitant to read it because there are no line breaks in it. Use line breaks between the stanza to show you are moving forward with the poem; not just focusing on the exact same though the whole time.

Loved the first two lines.

The fourth line is confusing to me (and my lower conpentance levels!). When you say PUT HIM INTO THE BARS; i do not understand whether you are pulling him behind bars; is if in prison, or driving him to drink in a bar; as in a bar that serves beer.

Moving on, I am not sure that A MOUTHFUL OF BLUE SKY works for me. I dont think that MOUTHFUL is the best adjective to use here; maybe A VISION OF THE BLUE SKY; or A DAY UNDER THE BLUE SKY. Mouthful normally describes something that you eat.

I love the follow up line at the end. It is seperated from the rest; which adds meaning to it.

Over all, I really good poem.

I really liked this poem, honestly. I can tell that much of it came naturally or thoughtfully. None of it to me seemed forced. The main idea is quite intriguing, and it's meaning can take different perspectives. I really do not have much to critique with it. For me it was quite brilliant in it's fluency and understanding. I especially love the ending as I think that is where the main idea of the poem is made clear. Very nicely done.

Excellent work.

Very deep and well thought out. Nice flow, and the idea is very cool. Very good piece. Keep it up.

I can really feel the anger you must feel towards this person for whatever he did. There are so many beautiful and very poetic lines written.
"He asked for freedom,
I put him into the bars of life." <-- this paints a really great picture.

"He asked for a mouthful of blue sky,
all I had were dark gray clouds."

- that mouthful part really drew me in. --I love poetic lines like you have written.

Gosh I don't know what else to say. You have shown a great deal of talent within these few lines.

One thing though is that they are called "prickles" and not "thorns". Prickles like on roses are a modified epidermal structure (they do not develop from branch tissues) and thorns are actually a modified stem/branch structure like on a locust tree.

either way, I give this poem a 5.

Well, I don't read too much Miscellaneous poems... But this miscellaneous poem is really different and awesome... you write very nice, Good Job!! Keep up this good work :)

4/5

Cool poem

This is a very well done poem, I enjoyed how you compared what he wanted to what you gave him.

I really loved the opening line "He asked for roses, I gave him an abudence of thorns" I think that is my favorite line in the entire poem.

I know that it's one of the my interesting poems about someone who can't give out their love to another person. It's very well done.

I wasn't overly struck about the way that you ended it. I'm not a big fan of the .... to start anything, it stretchs the syllables and the length of the poem, use grammar to cause the breaks you need instead of ...

I really liked this poem other than that I cannot think of anything that I would suggest that you improve.

5/5

This is a great poem. It shows the reader the struggle the guy is going through, but also shows subtly how the writer feels a longing to give him these things, although she can't or won't allow herself to. Great write. 5/5