Vortex

by DarkCrystalbtrfy   Nov 25, 2008


You turned around and walked away
Now creating a vortex of days
Sun overshadowed by the darkest light
Jumping out at me are my hidden frights
Nightmares that have come to play
Haunt my waking moments every day
Responding to only the sharpist pain
The glint of metal on crismon stain
Blindness captures the soul
Stumbling now across the tides
Of misery in all its delights
Sobs silently echo in your mind
Eyes to damaged to even cry
Incapable of closing your heart
Because all the pieces have broken apart

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  • 15 years ago

    by Helena Jaster

    "Of misery in all its delights
    Sobs silently echo in your mind
    Eyes to damaged to even cry"

    Wonderfull use of wordplay and there is a universiality in the message that lends itself well to connection with the reader. Well done.

  • 15 years ago

    by Not Enough

    Oh wow great poem. REALLY great.
    keep writing.

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Haunt my waking moments every day
    Haunt every moment of every day ... Does that maybe sound better to you ?

    Blindness captures the soul
    Blindness is what captures my soul ?

    Sobs silently echo in your mind
    Sobs a silent echo in your mind?

    All of those are suggestions to perhaps help out the flow . The rest of the poem is so emotional , and I really do love it . The two last lines are my favorites . 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by FallingAngel

    Great poem, it was realy well written and was relatable to me while I read it. I think maybe if you added a few spaces it might be easier to read, but it's excellent as is. Wonderful job and keep up the great job. 5/5

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