Wow that's intense!! but worded perfectly!

Wow that's intense!! but worded perfectly!

I cannot stand suicide poems, but since you've requested I critique it, I will.

It's short, first of all. If you want to write a 'good' suicide poem, it was to include deep and raw emotion, but what I read was the same boring inkling of an emtion that most suicide poems have. I get that she was lonely, I get that she was depressed. Go deeper, get more into the character and make me really feel for her. That's the way to get a reader.

"Laughing mirrors"

^I thought this was the best thing about this poem. This description is something people can relate to, but it's not as cliche as everything else, and it pulls me in, wanting to understand more about this girl.

The rhyming was a tad bit forced. Don't be afraid to get deep, dig far down and when you find those raw emotions, describe them in a new way that maybe you have never done before.

I hope I have not offended with my critique, but instead helped in some way. Good luck in future writing. :)

I loved the short stanzas, makes it feel as though it is happening, and happening fast, which is well suited for this poem. Nice write, keep up the good work.

Peace, Joe

Very nice, i love how you kept the sentance structure short. the rhyme schme was amazing as well. Once again I can so easely relate to this poem.

My favorite lines were:
Silent screams
Secret obsession
Worthless soul
Full of depression

Well Written
Darkcrystalbtrfy

It was a fast read. The flow was good. The wording was easy to understand. I liked it. I gave it a 5/5.

In a word... SWIFT. oh, ya, and beautifully put. 5/5!

This poem has a very special structure. It is written in short lines, like the cut thoughts on a suicidal mind. The structure emphasizes how suicides are choices made by a matter of seconds. The rhyming and flow were very good here as well, another 5/5