Comments : Two doors (Contest)

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Hmm, this is a sad one. The emotions are great. I liked the wording and the flow that was strong through out the poem. I gave it a 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    I wonder if she wanted me to be close
    or if she was the one who choose.
    ^choose should be chose , this is a big one because at first it throws off your rhyme scheme .

    Your last two lines could be rhymed better also to give it a more powerful ending . I'm not sure if it's just because our writting styles are so different , or if it's really just the flow but i have a really hard time getting into the reading without having to go over it . :( . 4/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Sad and leaves me with unanswered questions. Did she die or just leave? Two Doors is an appropriate title since the reader can decide which door to go through. Good job.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    I don't really like visiting the poem and not commenting or voting..so here I am.
    your poem was so full of forced lines and the rhyme went off a lot.
    you just focused too much that it actually lost the good sense.
    I'm not saying it's bad..I just see that it could've been better, even without rhyming.
    Rhyming is optional you know, just don't get too much into it

    "or if she was the one who choose."
    I think you meant "chose", or "chooses"
    it's just "choose" doesn't seem right.

    "Our daughter is the smartest in our class
    I guess I will go find someone else to harass.

    If you want to talk then I won't be too far
    just over where my parents are."

    Read those lines over and over again and you'll realize that you pushed the words and it seemed more like a narrated story.
    Anyway..I hope this won't make you upset..I just felt like I should tell the truth :]

    Keep it up though !!
    Best of luck