I used to be a dreamer...

I open my eyes,I look around
I'm in my bed,and you ain't found
This was a dream?I can't believe
Cause for a moment I felt you here with me-
In closest area that you will ever be.

this is saying that u want this person by you but they will never be and it makes sense. dreams are wants or needs that we dream of. its really good

i like this alot the rhythem was really good and the rhyming was really interesting. really good

Another amazing poem =) And I really love your headline 'I used to be a dreamer...' =)

Okay I'm lovin it. I thought this poem was better than your first, infact much better.. I see stanzas and the flow has improved. Which is great. It was a good write, simple and well done. I loved how it was almost like you were talking to your love in person, well done.

5/5

"Give me your shoulder,allow me cry for some time"
[ Give me your shoulder, allow me to cry for some tmie]
- You need to change it to 'all me TO cry' in order for it to be grammically right and sound correct.

"I want to own you,so where you..?Nooo....."
[ I wan tto own you, so where are you? Nooo....]

- I don't like that line but I guess it fits with the poem. Either way you need to change it to 'where ARE you'

"I'm in my bed,and you ain't found"
[ I'm in my bed and you aren't found]
- 'aint' doesn't sound right. It's too blunt. On top of that you need to watch for TOO MANY COMMAS. There is absolutely no reason for one here. I'm not going to paste every line that doesn't need one. But, I do suggest going through and double checking.

"Cause for a moment I felt you here with me-
In closest area that you will ever be."
[ Because for a moment I felt you here with me -
The closest that you will ever be]
- closest area? Doesn't make sense to me. Along with 'Cause' - it didn't sound right. So, I'd switch that out for a better ending.

Overall I loved this poem. The emotion/meaning portrayed is done quite nicely. I liked how you uniquely pieced together the poem in a different way that most are written. And, the way you worded yourself (in most areas) was quite well.

Really enjoyed it. (:
I think I'm going to give it a 5/5 even though there were mistakes just because the rest made up for that.

Well expressed and great emotion. The flow was beautiful. The rhymes were nice throughout. Every line seemed to just fall in place. Although I didn't like the use of the word ain't at the end. It could just be me. A lovely read. 5/5