I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .

A sweet start... quite easy to relate to...

Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin .

A very good imagery and a wonderful flow... It sounds very passionate...

Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child .

The beginning of the stanza is also quite sweet... The lines 4-6 draw in a negative emotion, which is emphasized by the word "defenseless"... i like how you compare yourself to a child, it is a good symbol of innocence...

But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong .

- i think it is "fought"... not quite sure though...
This stanza is connected very delicately to the stanza before... I keep wondering of what "mistakes" you meant... it seems a little bit too abstract... yet that depends on the reader...

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go .

It is a sad, yet wonderful ending... I really liked how you used the expression "strangers"...

The whole poem is deep and flawless...

5/5
*isabel*

Seriously great poem...I know that's all people say, but for realz...good. 5/5

Woah..that was awesome..
the flow was great and so was the choice of words..
i enjoyed reading it..keep it up. :)

Oh my damn... that was truly enchanting and very moving... you've described in detail what happend between u guys and put a lot of emotions into it that makes any reader relate to wat u've gone through... amazing poem that's all i can say! =]

"Those eyes and smile ,"
[ Those eyes and smiles ]
OR
[ Those eyes, that smile]

This is a well written poem. Great imagery, very relatable, and on top of that it had a flawless flow. I absolutely adored that about the poem. Flawless, I mean it. It had a beat to it, haha. I loved that about it.

Im sorry i have been away for a while but i have promise to do 4 of your poems, umm this one kind of spoke to me b/c one of my x's is going through this right now with one of her recent losses. i wonder if this is what happens to most girls in a break up? im sorry though for your loss. lol i hope you dont find me a bad person. i do like this poem and i even love the rhyming sceme it seems to fix the peice
Raindrops 5/5

Wow really good poem, my favorite line is

By far my sweetest sin .

And the last two lines. Great job keep writing you're very talented.

I believe that varies people can compare their lives to this poem. When your finally being able to see that love is blind at current times and you need to let go. 5/5

Now this one I can also very much relate to. I feel all of this right now plus so many more emotions. It's like you are writing everything i'm feeling and yet we don't even know each other. You are a great poet and know how to get your point across without wasting tim. Amazing.

Wow you really know how to write poetry without using filler words! I love the way you start with your poems and it flows so beautiful. Then you just give it the perfect ending! Your description about how you feel when you are with him is flawless! great job 5/5

"I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me."
`Simply worded, talking about how things used to be, and how these thoughts basically never leave your mind, youre constantly dreaming about how great things were.

"Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin ."
`Simple description, I think you could have went into more depth here, and pulled out more imagery of this person so that we could have a clear vivid image instead of something dull, oh light blue eyes and a gorgeous smile.. I think it could have been more detailed and better than that. More descritpive.

"Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child ."
`Your flow is good I think, the rhyme is simple.. a simple poem.. not really much to say.. I think what youve wrote is good.

"But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong ."
`Simply written, didnt suprise me from your title that this person would leave you.. and now youve got to let go..

"Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go ."
`Kind of a strong ending, not too weak, I think youve done well.. we learn from our experiences, and we know that once someone is gone they probably wont return, which leaves us with nothing but to move on.

Good job.
5/5.

I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .

^^ Great start. It took me a second to catch on to the flow, but that's solely because I'm use to reading four lined stanzas, so, other than that, a perfect start. No qualms with this at all :)

Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin .

^^ I love this stanza. Once again, the rhyme scheme gives it a very sing-a-long quality that makes me almost want to sing it rather than read it and thats never a bad thing :D Plus, I also like the imagery you used, which is only accented further and made stronger by the use of rhyme. Great stanza.

Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child .

^^ Something about this stanza reminds me of a Led Zeppelin lyric. It has that vibe to it, to me anyways. Solid and keeps me pulled into the poem.

But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
The tears are faught ,
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong .

^^ Great turn of events and mood. Very smooth transition, too. No problems at all here :)

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
Strangers I no longer know .
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go .

^^ And another amazing closing stanza from you.

There's not much more I can say about it that I didn't say in my last critique - you close the whole poem with a strong finishing verse, remain true to the flow, bind some strong rhyming in, and paint a detailed picture with your words. I will also give you kudos for writing outside of the typical four lined stanza-style. Its something I have trouble doing personally, so I envy you there. Another great write from you :D 5/5

A couple of the semi colons here aren't needed but that's minor. I admired the flow here, and your choice of words. Second stanza doesn't offer much but simple adjectives, it'd be great if you revealed the person you're talking about's character through what he does. You know, the little things that make us who we are. Like for example, the way someone laughs, or sleeps, or talks.

Nice flow and i know how you feel there been there before it sucks 5/5

Love, love, love it. It really makes my day when I can find a poem with great rhythm. This is a subject often written about, but it usually lacks depth and flow. This one doesn't...and I really appreciate it. Nicely done! 5/5.

-Rolo

'I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .'

What does 'caressing' have to do with anything? If it's important, not just forced to rhyme with confessing then draw it out and do something with it, as it just stands alone, and doesnt tie in much with what else is being said.

'Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin . '

Since you described the physical attributes of the male persona I can only get a physical image of him. The narrator seems to be quite shallow, from my eyes since I see her just liking this guy because he's a nice looking lad.

The third stanza was interesting, particularly because I suppose I liked the simile of defenseless like a child. But defenseless of what? Defense usually implies offense being initiated? There must be better children's attributes to compare this to.

'The tears are faught ,'

*fought*

You have an easily relatable message running through to the last stanza which is perhaps the best stanza

With some minor revision could be even better.

I close my eyes
And dream about
The way we used to be .
You caressing ;
And me confessing
Just what you mean to me .
^ Perfect, I loved this. And you're rhyme scheme is amazing.

Your gorgeous smile
And light blue eyes ;
Your soft touch upon my skin .
My body's shaking ,
You're so breath-taking ;
By far my sweetest sin .
^again, great job.

Your silly laughter
And heart-felt kisses ;
They both just drive me wild .
My heart's been healing ,
You've got me feeling
Defenseless like a child .

But mistakes are made
And my eyes are opened ;
Only to find you gone .
^Right here is where somehow the flow got sketchy. I noticed it here, and then more farther down.
The tears are faught ,
^ "faught" should be "fought"
And my heart is taught
Once again that it was wrong .

Those eyes and smile ,
Are now so awkward ;
^the word "awkward" sounds really bad here, you might want to try something else.
Strangers I no longer know .
^the two different contexts of "know" and "no" are correct grammar, but make it difficult with the flow.
I'm slowly learning ,
That you're not returning ...
I've just got to let you go .
^And in the end the flow came back, so that was good.

Overall I really liked this, when you changed the story from happy to sad it kinda got a bit rough, but overall it was a very good poem.

Wow. I think this one was my favorite. I loved everything about this one. The imagery is amazing. I love the style as well. This one really covers alot about relationships..with real original emotions. You should write more like this. This one is one of your best..no doubt. Shanik

Well I like the other poem better but this one is also great.

The poem has short lines which gives off a fast action 'pace.' which tells the reader that you were thinking a lot of 'things' in the moment you were writing this piece.

Throughout the poem the tone was pretty fast but then the tone suddenly shift in this line.
"That you're not returning (...)"
- The sudden 'shift' shows that you're done thinking about the past and ready to let him go.
- I also think that this line was an excellent set up for the final line.

I've just got to let you go (.)
- Well suggestion - change that to (...) Well it's up to you of course. In my opinion it will give a greater impact on the last line.

keep up the good work.

Wow this is absolutely amazing! i love it and know exactly how you feel! you really know how to use words..don't ever quit! :)