Coffee & Cigarettes

Beautifully written, good word choice! 5/5

mandy :)

"The morning tastes stale in my mouth as I inhale,
Slowly opening my weary eyes to the new world.
Light seeps into my pores, encompassing all limbs,
Its warmth reminds me of your hands old whims. "

^^I really liked this opening stanza, I found it to be very saddening yet also at times somewhat bittersweet and the combination of mixed emotions really pulled me into the piece.

"As I twist and burst out of my cotton cocoon,
Aches and nausea remind me never to drink again.
The carpet feels cold under my bare naked sole,
And I'm reminded of each precious moment you stole. "

^^I really liked the emotion within this stanza, it's so strong and powerful that it's almost as if I can feel everything that you're feeling.

"Through the walls a beep resounds and reaches my ear,
Morning is official now --- as unwelcome as he is.
Dragging my limp body out of bed, I make my way
Through the empty rooms that still echo your Betray. "

^^I was thrown here as the last two lines rhymed whereas up until now there has been no fixed rhyme scheme and it threw the flow a little for me. That being said, I still really enjoyed this stanza, particularly the imagery placed within it.

"The kitchen swallows me whole into its walls, taunting,
While familiar cravings stir within my heart and mind.
Your perfectly framed face rests directly across from me,
Calmly representing nothing but hurt and falsity. "

^^The hurt and pain you describe here is wonderfully scripted, it really makes the reader feel for the author.

"That night I found you `dancing` with those secret silhouettes,
Is the reason I'm still crying between my coffee and cigarettes."

^^Oh my gosh. What a beautiful closing you have here! Despite being shorter than the previous verses I find these two lines to hold more power than the rest of the piece put together, and it makes a for a stunning ending.

Doogness!
this was just brilliant.
it was almost painful to read. its like i was watching a movie, everything was perfect. the flow, the wording, the imagery.
you're fuh-ducking uhmazing, screamin b! ;]
i absolutely love it.

-TUB

Very good! Something new to read. It's a very creative poem!