You Remind Me

Lovee it girl<3
you're such a good writer!
you always need to tell the one you love, u do, bcuz like that quote often hearts are broken by unspoken words or something like that. But i love it,you can feel how she loved him,then how it hurt her when she moved away<3
5/5

Awww that was so sad and so beautiful.
I really loved the ending. It was full of lost love and sadness. 5/5

"of a love so strong a pure."
[a love so strong and pure]
-- 'of' is supposed to be used 2 times in essay form, but in poetry form that just sounds better.

"ours eyes connected as our hearts fumbled."
[our eyes connected, hearts fumbled]
- - less is being repeated. sounds more poetic.

"Then you moved away to another place
shattering my aching heart."

[They you moved away,
shattering a longing heart.]
- - I don't quite get how it's 'aching' before. I get the whole not telling people and such, but longing is more of the word you're looking for. longing for the love to be there and known.

"But it was ended all too soon
and there is no magic left in me. "
[But it had ended all too soon,
and there's no magic left in me]

-- I love the ending of the poem. I do think it needs switched around a bit.

- - -

Great poem. A few fixes and it's flawless. (:

"of a love so strong a pure."
`a should be and.

"You remind me of a fair tell"
`I dont get this line.. I didnt understand the fair tell part?

Simple write.. I was hoping you would be original with this one, but I found it to be a little too cliche for my taste. This person reminds of you of a story where your eyes connected w/ someone else, you never expressed your love for eachother, he moved away, your heart shattered, everything ended, it was too soon. The end.
I needed more.. you didnt really put your emotions into this very well and there needed to be so much more to this poem.. it was just the minimum, it was weak, it really didnt capture my attention. Sorry! :/ 4/5. Lacks originality..

Very short but strait to the point. Another great write.
Once again love, sad or happy you do it well.
Its almost impossible for me to write a good love poem even if this one ended sadly , but you do it so well whether its lengthy or short. very good job!!
5/5
laura