Total Eclipse

"A total eclipse...Absence of light...
The sun is fading into the dark
Between the shadows, a lonely lark
Tries to escape this endless night"
Ooh, I got shivers. That was really cool.

"I am no longer held by gravity
My soul lost in a twisted dream
It feels so right...What can it mean?
A total eclipse...Away from reality"
That was like at the end of a movie and something happens that was so unexpected. It was awsome. Great job!

4/5. I liked the "lonely lark" image, but things began to get a bit vague after that, without much substance. It felt shorter than it should have been, too; I think you could have expanded with a few more stanzas without losing the essence of the poem--I think it would have added to it, in fact, since although the night described is "endless," the poem is anything but endless! Get what I'm saying? Good job and keep going.

These metaphors are astronomical, yet describe my hours of darkness exretemly well

That is really beautiful. I've added it to my favs. The last stanza is my fav and I can really relate to it. Maybe it had a bigger impact because I was listening to "Breathe" by Anna Nalick and something about the song and poem together just clicked for me. It's a beautiful poem and I only wish I was half as good a poet as you.

Hiya!
=)

Stanza 1:
"A total eclipse...Absence of light...
The sun is fading into the dark
Between the shadows, a lonely lark
Tries to escape this endless night"

-- WOW. Love this different rhyming method.
"A.B.B.A." well done. It has worked great the with words used and the imagery created. well done.
Love the rhythm and the rhyme in this. and also enjoy the flow you have created.

Stanza 2:
"My whole life begins to rewind...
My unconscious body falls to the ground
Lying in numbness, not hearing a sound
A total eclipse in my confused mind..."

-- again, loved the rhyming method. really ties in well. Love the word usage again here.
"rewind", "numbness" and "confused mind". Very well played. Loved this stanza. as you have created great imagery and i feel as if it is ME in the poem.. which I think it good because i think it is important for you to create your feelings and emotions and put them into a poem, and then expect the reader to feel the same way as you did when writing it. Which you have successfully done. =)

Stanza 3:
"I am no longer held by gravity
My soul lost in a twisted dream
It feels so right...What can it mean?
A total eclipse...Away from reality"

-- Again great imagery. Also loved the words used again.. "gravity" , "twisted dream", "away from reality". Again I felt like I was in this stanza. At time I feel like I am not held up by gravity any more and you've pretty much explained the rest =)
Again loved the rhyming method. Well done to that! =)

Loved the poem. Shows such great talent and such beautiful imagery your mind can create and portray in a simple 3-stanza poem.

Well done and keep it up!
=)

[ 5 / 5 ]

- Nicole
xox