Ok i usually don't do these kind of poems but i read this one and wow, um speechless really.
You conveyed emotions well......the intensity of sexual enjoyment.
Lust taking over and giving a overwhelming satisfaction.
5/5
laura

"Finely, you start to get closer to your peak "
`Did you mean to say finally?

"You wisher "baby I love you""
`Whisper.

Overall, there wasnt anything wrong with this poem other than a few grammatical errors other than that.. good job keeping the imagery throughout the entire poem. Umm, yeah not much else I can really say. This was written to your best ability.

5/5.

Wow this poem was deep.
Looks like you had a fun night that night,
gurl. I tell you damn you got tantle in with writing poems. 5/5 xD

This is one really detailed steamy poem...seems like you have taken explicit poems to an all new heights

great work
5/5 from me

Wow, this is a very well told story/poem. I really liked this, I don't really normal read these kinda poems or what not but you did a good job.

but there was one line that was probably mixed up.

"I lean over a kiss your neck"
I think it should've been.
"I lean over and kissed you neck"

but other then that, amazing job.

keep it up.
keep on writing.
love always and forever.

This one caught my eye as I have a very similar poem. Anyway ...

First stanza:

"My body is still humming from the touch or hands."

** I think you mean THE TOUCH OF HANDS maybe? I am not sure
** I would avoid using the word STILL this early in a poem. It makes me feel like I already missed something.

Second stanza:

I beleive that "I lean over a kiss your neck" should be "I lean over AND kiss your neck." Likewise, I think that "I know that you want me to" should be "I know that you want me too!"

I am not sure that I like the phrase "hardening d ick (sorry, I had to seperate the letters so the site would let me use that word)". Everyone has their own form of writing, but this is such a blunt phrase, it seems somewhat offensive. I would suggest (and this is just my personal opinion) replacing it was something more tasteful; like SHAFT or ROD.

Third stanza:

When I read the first line: "You try to focus on the road a head", I thought it would be cool to follow with a line about road head; maybe something like "You try to focus on the road a head; but I am more focused on road head". Itâ??s kind of a funny line to relax readers a little.

I like this line too: "I sit on your lap and guide your hands over my body". It painted a good image in my head.

Fourth stanza:

I enjoyed the word FUMBLE in the fifth line. It shows that you are eager to do something, but cant quite get it done. Good imagery again.

Fifth stanza:

I really enjoyed this entire stanza. It was focused on one point, but you really described it well.

Sixth stanza:

In the line "And the power is almost overwhelming.", you may mention Whoâ??s power is overwhelming, yours or his.

Seventh stanza:

Everything is great so far, but this line was a little out of place: "I guide your head in and slowly let you slid inâ?? I am not fond of the HEAD IN / SLID IN part, it sounds awkward. First off, SLID should be SLIDE as it is present tense. I would maybe try rewording it to something like this: "MY PLEASURE BUILDS AS I GUIDE YOUR AIM; I ENJOY EVERY INCH AS YOU ENTER MY BODY (or maybe you could revert to AS YOU SLIDE IN."

Ninth stanza:

"The windows are fogging and the car is shacking". Great imagery again, but SHACKING should be SHAKING and "The intensity climes" should be "The intensity climbs".

** Overall, everything was great. The imagery was good and the flow was great. It read more like a short story, but I like how and where you separated the lines. A few proof-reading errors, but nothing that cant be fixed. I am not sure if I like the "first time together" part though. It doesnâ??t really portray a romantic setting for a first time, and most readers would expect a better setting for this type of experience.

** I will give it a 4.5 / 5, but voted 5/5. I really did enjoy reading it.