Shattered Hearts on Hardwood Floors

In some way i can relate to this. I can understand the way it feels saying goodbye, it really sucks. But it was a great write, it flowed well and you kept the rhyme scheme going through out the entire piece. Very emotional and powerful. Keep it up. 5/5

Haven't read your work in a while...

'I can feel it deep within my heart
this once shared love is falling apart.
There's nothing we can do anymore
our hearts are shattered on the floor.'

try to avoid such cliched rhymes as these, they're not needed to evoke sadness, the words that precede them are strong enough. I admire your simplicity though, and I get a sense that this is a deeply personal poem, I often let that get in the way of my linguistics.

'Those three words don't mean much these days
saying goodbye hurts in the worst ways.
Tears are starting to fall from our eyes
but our hearts can no longer take the lies'

This stanza was better, you're blunt in your message, and the idea of combined feelings was nice, like you're soulmates with this person.

'We know exactly what we have to do
I'm scared and I know you are, too.
The truth always comes out, though
just close the curtain, end the show'

I liked what you were doing here, the second line was very nice, and it's followed by a great couplet that work together to form a nice strong stanza. I also admire your use of punctuation, so many people on this site don't use it properly haha. :]

'It's gonna kill me to be so far away
but we must look forward to a brighter day.
Here comes the flashback of you saying "hi"
but in reality, we're both saying "goodbye".'

I think that the third stanza would make a more effective closer than the fourth. The 'hi' and 'goodbye', doesn't evoke sadness to me, whereas the stanza above, does. There'd be no harm in rearranging them.

Well done though

It's good in parts and what I feel it's lacking strong lines. All the lines are emotional but lack the punch. That's what I think. Overall it's nice.

Such a beautiful piece and so hearfelt...

I could feel that one part of you wants to turn back to the past and the other part is struggling to cope with the present situation... your describes your emotions so well...

Here comes the flashback of you saying "hi"
but in reality, we're both saying "goodbye".
^^ very touching

well written keep writing..

It's heartfelt and very simply written. A sad write. Well done!