This Ain't a Musical

by HidinVictim   Dec 4, 2008


With a gruff voice
He whispers lies
That transform to promises
In my ignorant eye's

With tails of love
My conscious believes
In my vivid dreams
The ugly truth is plain to see

Life's not a play
And we're no musical
No script to our screams
And no music to the dance

There's no music
In your eyes
No rhythm
To my voice

Baby we're no musical
And our songs
Don't play in time,
Our lyrics barely rhyme

Like a performer
Without a director
An actor
Without a script

We'll practice
What we think is right
And stumble
To make it fit.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by YourThe ReasonIDiedTonight

    Great job. the flow for your words is great. over-all an amazing poem. keep up the great work.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    I really enjoyed this poem, I thought it was really good and the flow worked qite well
    =]
    Great job its a nice piece youv'e written here

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    Ahh!!! I loved this!! Very well done! The only thing i'd like you to be aware of, is that the beginning of the poem to me isn't that interesting, but you pulled it together AMAZINGLY at the end. That was great. Wow. Another thing,, is the rhyming.. its ..not right. You should look at that, well, good job anyways.
    :]

  • 15 years ago

    by No Need For A Name

    I enjoyed the theme of the poem, the originality put into the words. But both the ryhme and the rythme seem to vary from stanza to stanza, which throughs my off completly it sticks out like a sore thumb.

    Peace and prosperity,

    (RKD)

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    "No script to our screams
    And no music to the dance"
    [No script to our screams,
    no music to our dance.]
    - Why not make them parallel? Seems more suttle to me.

    "There's no music
    In your eyes
    No rhythm
    To my voice"
    [There's no music
    in your eyes.
    No rhythm
    in my voice.]
    - Once again, why not make them parallel? Sounds better while reading silently and out loud.

    "And stumble
    to make it fit."
    [And stumble
    to make fit]
    - Parallel syllables seemed better to me.

    Overall it's a decent poem. Well written, great flow. I'd suggest looking over to make the structure of it more parallel but overall it's greatly written. I enjoyed the read. (:

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