"No script to our screams
And no music to the dance"
[No script to our screams,
no music to our dance.]
- Why not make them parallel? Seems more suttle to me.

"There's no music
In your eyes
No rhythm
To my voice"
[There's no music
in your eyes.
No rhythm
in my voice.]
- Once again, why not make them parallel? Sounds better while reading silently and out loud.

"And stumble
to make it fit."
[And stumble
to make fit]
- Parallel syllables seemed better to me.

Overall it's a decent poem. Well written, great flow. I'd suggest looking over to make the structure of it more parallel but overall it's greatly written. I enjoyed the read. (:

I enjoyed the theme of the poem, the originality put into the words. But both the ryhme and the rythme seem to vary from stanza to stanza, which throughs my off completly it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Peace and prosperity,

(RKD)

Ahh!!! I loved this!! Very well done! The only thing i'd like you to be aware of, is that the beginning of the poem to me isn't that interesting, but you pulled it together AMAZINGLY at the end. That was great. Wow. Another thing,, is the rhyming.. its ..not right. You should look at that, well, good job anyways.
:]

I really enjoyed this poem, I thought it was really good and the flow worked qite well
=]
Great job its a nice piece youv'e written here

Great job. the flow for your words is great. over-all an amazing poem. keep up the great work.

5/5