Another Novel With Added Pages Torn

by BrokenREALiTy   Dec 5, 2008


The faint draft of watered hearts
heightens dust among the rotted corners,
softly singing sing-a-long songs against
the silent whisper of torture.

(his rugged fingers wrapping stringy lace
jagged along her dainty wrists of surrender)

diamond drops of powdered mildew
tainted in the steps of avid, feeding lilies.
a muted letter--wrung until the words illegible,
bathed beside the comatose winds.

(he took your love and put it on a shelf,
like every hand he ever held--the lips, too, grew cold)

and laid against the sobbing grief
of cloudless photographs and tidy sheets,
were simmered petals weeping thorns
pricking holes in worthless efforts.

(he loved her until his hold expired--
a second-hand chapter read only to be replaced)

©20081204 Mindy Huang

**Five minute poem written after staring blankly at a mirror. I have the weirdest inspirations...
**And yes, the switch in the middle with speaking directly do the girl instead of referring to her as "her" was intentional. It makes sense in my head...

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  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole the Fairy

    Hi =)

    Stanza 1:
    "The faint draft of watered hearts
    heightens dust among the rotted corners,
    softly singing sing-a-long songs against
    the silent whisper of torture."

    -- wow. the imagery used in this stanza is really descriptive, and I love the words that you use to describe the 'rotted corners'. very meaningful. Well done. i really like the flow in this, to me, i know it's the first stanza, but it started slow.. and i think that it's a good thing. =)

    "(his rugged fingers wrapping stringy lace
    jagged along her dainty wrists of surrender)"

    ^ such stron words used here. very strong indeed, it really hit home. i love the words 'rugged' and 'dainty wrists of surrender'. very well done.

    Stanza 2:
    "diamond drops of powdered mildew
    tainted in the steps of avid, feeding lilies.
    a muted letter--wrung until the words illegible,
    bathed beside the comatose winds."

    -- wow. these words you use are just breathles. they are so descriptive and are just so strong, and are just divine! such talent you have here, able to create such vivid images in my mind with just a few descriptive words. very well done!

    "(he took your love and put it on a shelf,
    like every hand he ever held--the lips, too, grew cold)"

    ^ again, such strong words here. these two lines mean so much, and contribute so much to the whole poem, as a whole. very strong: "the lips too, grew cold" well done. just flawless.

    Stanza 3:
    "and laid against the sobbing grief
    of cloudless photographs and tidy sheets,
    were simmered petals weeping thorns
    pricking holes in worthless efforts."

    -- so much imagery, and descriptive words are used, and it is just so powerful when reading your poem. it is just such an interesting technique when you use these strong words and create such an 'alive' poem, inwhich the words dance around in my mind for ages after reading the poem. just so beautiful.

    "(he loved her until his hold expired--
    a second-hand chapter read only to be replaced)"

    ^ again, these two lines are just so strong, and it ties back in with the title, "Another Novel with Added Pages Torn" -- just flawless.
    these two lines are just so meaningful, especially 'until his hold expired' -- these replay in my head over and over again.
    well done.

    Such a beautiful poem, and it is so sad, but there is just so much loved contained as there is sad, so I understand this poem is under the love section of poems. Very well done, you've aced it!

    Flawless and beautiful!

    I'd be crazy to NOT give you a 5 / 5

    Well done, and good luck!

    - Nicole
    xox

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