Voyage Becomes You (Prose)
by Mr. Darcy Dec 8, 2008
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Ancient cosmic particles travelling through a universe of space, their energy glowing white, rotating and weaving, gathering mass and accumulating voice. For a millennia their journey uninterrupted, a fated course plotted by a celestial magnitude of prior-consciousness; a premonition spawned from the seeds of virgin vapours. Across a sky of velvet darkness burns a fleeting, momentous slash, underlining a section of pin-holed lights, sparkling like spray of scattered sequins on sleepy baize. The fiery torch is reflected deep in salamander eyes. Eyes of timeless granite, crafted with precision, cupped, moulded and lovingly caressed with natures sight. Voyaging side-by-side tributaries merge, becoming for an eternal moment as permanent as existence, as seamless as time, scripted into one whole paragraph, encapsulating a spectacle of poetic twilight bliss. |
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Latest Comments
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15 years ago
by Blissful
The title was amazing here. It captured my attention and made me curious what direction the poem would take. The overall flow of this piece was flawlessl. Its difficult to make something flow so easily in prose but you have did it.
It was as if this was sculpted with the finest of tools to produce such a masterpiece. Everything fit in with each other nicely and it all played like a song in my head...a beautiful melody. Your use of imagery here just blew me away! The whole scene was painted in my mind with shades of imagination.
"Ancient cosmic particles travelling through a universe of space"
^"Traveling" not "travelling"
"a premonition spawned from the seeds of virgin vapours."
^What flawless alliteration with "virgin" and "vapor". It sounded so beautiful and poetic when I read it out loud andi t all just flowed nicely off my tongue.
"velvet darkness "
^I loved the image this phrase painted in my mind...stunning.
", sparkling like spray of scattered sequins on sleepy baize. "
^Another great use of alliteration! I loved how it all fit in together nicely with the image you were creating.
Your word choice here just blew me away. Nothing was over the top difficult to understand yet it wasnt simple as well...It was just perfect. The can be a million messages behind this work of art and I might interpret it differently but because it was in the friendship section...I assumed it was about two people going through life or you could say the universe together. I could be totally off but nonetheless I really enjoyed it. :]
Well done!
*5/5* -
15 years ago
"sparkling like spray of scattered sequins."
`This line was amazing, so beautifully written, your words are always so flawless and create the most vivid images, like this entire poem did. The images were just magnificient. The smilie here was well written, yet you lost me with "sequins" did you mean to say "sequence"?
Everything else though, just flowed so nicely together, prose poetry is tough to make flow so smoothly because it's not in poem format nessisarly, but wow you did a fantastic job making it flow as well as it did.
Through your mind, and your imagination youve penned another great piece that has left me speechless, I have really no words.. just another masterpice in my eyes.
So uniquely written, you always craft your poems with something so original. Your imagination is one of a kind, as well as your talent.
Very well done. :]
5/5. -
15 years ago
This is so intriguing honestly. The descriptions had me imagining every thing in my head and the picture looked perfect. Wonderful!
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15 years ago
by gracey grey
Most mesmerising prose ever! I loved how you chose to begin the write.....simply beautiful. And yet again the word choice is amazing..
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15 years ago
by Lonely Rider
Wow... Loved the way you have wonderfully played with words... beautiful word choice and metaphors .... I had to read it 2-3 times and check the thesauras to get what you want to convey :)
its wonderfully done ... a very interesting piece...
keep writing...
