Girlish Crush

by StarGirl   Dec 12, 2008


There you were, here was I
And a feeling inside my heart I couldn't describe.
I had a crush on you.
You'd make me smile with every glance and I'd
laugh because I had no chance.

It's ok now.
I smile at my girlish crush.
That rush, that wanton lust
Of wanting you.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Minkus

    5/5. Short and to the point, nothing extra, but what you had was good. I liked the kind of free-flow, no rigid structure but some rhyme. Nice one.

  • 16 years ago

    by isabel

    It is well written, yet you could emphasize the situation a little bit more... By that, I mean, I find it a little bit too short...
    I understand what you mean: girls are attracted by boys and then realize that they were not that important...
    Nevertheless, I do believe teenagers can love, instead of "having crushes"... Not all... And not in the first years of adolescence... but still...
    (it's a personal point of view, not a critique... let's just say i might have been reading Romeo and Juliet too many times... ;) )

    I do have a suggestion on the formal aspects...
    In the first stanza, the way you divide the last two lines cuts off the flow a bit...
    You wrote:
    "You'd make me smile with every glance and I'd
    laugh because I had no chance."

    I would suggest:
    "You'd make me smile with every glance
    And I'd laugh because I had no chance"

    *keep going*
    isabel

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