Wishing On A Star (Song)

I love the flow of this poem, and the imagery was also very well written:)
loved it.
thoroughly.
keep it up:)
5/5

"City lights now glowing,
From vibrant red to green.
Snow gently falling,
A wonderful sight to see."
- I love how you worded these lines. 'vibrant' is a good word to use for that line!

"Letters to Santa,
Children always write.
Hopping for the best toys
To come overnight.
What a thrill it must be on the night of Christmas Eve
Knowing Santa's on his way."
- Care to explain why there's a long line and only 7 lines instead of 8? I'd suggest somehow making that into 8 and shortening that line. ALONG with the next stanza as well. I hated how you changed it like that and made longer lines that didn't fit the stanza. It almost made me mad. I really like this poem but that almost ruined it for me.

Almost is enough though, haha.

First two lines of the beginng are good. I didn't like the third line at all. I think 'home' didn't fit with it. It makes sense and flows but it's ugly and blunt, eh. The ending is really good, I think. Other than the last line being long. I'd cut it off at 'want [NEWLINE] when' to make it sound better, if you decide to make it 8 lines. Which I suggest completely.

Great poem though, Joe. I really enjoyed the read. Christmas is over but it brought back the feeling of happiness - I guess and at the same time loneliness. I think sometimes it goes so fast and things are just rapid as hell that you feel alone even if you're not. Speaking of which, I'm not sure if that's exactly what you were trying to portray (the feeling of loneliness at christms). I'm pretty sure it's not at all. At all, at all, at all. But it does come out in the poem. With things such as; here i am all alone, me on my own, its hard to be alone, etc. Maybe you were trying to portray that a little but I think there's more to the poem than that. I know I'm rambling big time, I'm not sure on how to get what I mean across.

Simplest form: The feeling of loneliness comes out in this poem, even if that's not what you meant for it to be. Considering the fact that there's A LOT more emotion to the poem than being alone.

Well written, haha. Forgive me for rambling. I've a flu and can't think quite right.

Its pretty short to be a song and the flow is really choppy in some places...maybe add some more lines and a decent chorus and it should be a lot smoother. just an opinion...4/5 GG23

Such a lovely write...
You'll hear a joyful sound.
Children run and play,
How I'd wish they stay.
Music playing loud,
With families all around
^^
the happiness that surrounds christmas is beautifully captured here ... from young to old... its a time for celebration :) this brought a smile to my face :)

wonderful write :)

Well what i like about this poem is that it enables me to visualize the from the start to the end of how the protagonist in the poem spend his christmas. You have injected a sad mood through the eyes of the protagonist by letting him see happiness all around him whereas he's all alone.

Btw u said this was a song, so is there goin to be any chorus?Coz there isn't any but other than I really enjoy the read

Excellent Job
5/5 from me