I'm standing in my door way

by kate   Dec 15, 2008


I'm standing in my door way.
your screaming out your heart on the pavement.
I just ignored it and looked the other way.
I'm not sure what I'm suppose to say.
my words will fumble out of my chest.
the butterfly's will flutter more, making it hard for me to leave.

I'm standing in my door way.
your screaming out your last words for me to understand.
I just turned away and shut my door.
I broke down on the floor.
I don't know what I should do.
my heart is pounding harder and harder.
too many tears in the matter of seconds.

I'm standing in my door way.
your not around.
I finally hit the ground.
my body shakes with disagreement.
you should've been here, when I opened the door.
but I let you leave without a goodbye.
I let you walk away from me.
and I finally watched myself die.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Steven Topaz

    I like some of the ideas of the ryhmes and the way you put them but the entire poem is so choppy it just breaks from one line to the next without any flow connecting the two, I know all stanzas shouldn't be a sentence but using different word choice makes things flow alot better, you may have been going for a choppy scheme with that tone, but im not sure, so all i can say is try and say the stanza aloud to see what it sounds like, if you can close your eyes and read two lines in a row and not be able to tell where the break is then it has "flow" I dont rate if I dont give a 5 so try it i promise it helps!

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Wow that was very sad. You did a very good job in your description and making your readers picture your words. I could really feel like I was watching a video of what you were saying. I really liked the sad ending. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Awww this poem was very sad indeed. the choice of words that you used really bring out the emotion from the poem.I like the way you end it it really pierce me how sad this poem is

    Excellent job
    5/5 from me

  • 15 years ago

    by isabel

    I find your poem extremely good...
    It flows very nicely and it has a very intersting structure...
    The theme reminds me of my own... It seems like you are reading my heart...
    The ending is amazing, yet sad... I only think you might have developed a little bit... :)

    5/5

    *isabel*

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