Comments : That Girl

  • 15 years ago

    by meliLOVE

    Your poem is very sad but it is very well written.. great job.. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Oh wow, the ending really hits the reader hard, making us want to reach out and help you. I thought you were a bit repetitive with how you want to help this person [whom we find out is yourself] but otherwise the flow was good, the rhyme was decent. What a sad write, I can feel your emotions.. I hope and wish you the best.

    5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    There's this girl,
    Sometimes I watch her,
    She's really sad,
    And I want to help her.
    ^^aww natural feelings! you see someone who does not seem to be ok and you want to make them smile they dont have to pour their heart out to you but you want to help them you want to brighten up their day : ) this is something i feel a lot i love making people smile or be happy for a couple minutes i know it makes my day when someone does it for me great introduction you intrigued me!

    We're really close,
    But so far apart,
    When I look at her,
    All I see is a broken heart.
    ^^sad : / i see that in my best friend she just gets so down i mean its heartbreaking to see all the things she could be thankful for yet choses to dwell on negative ones! sometimes you just need the positive things pointed out!!! i think a lot of people will relate to being the person seeing someone that way OR being that person seen that way

    She's so young and innocent,
    She deserves a chance,
    Though she cuts with a knife,
    And all the time with death she will dance.
    ^^AHH! thats so not good! : / i wanna help now i mean it must hurt to do that?! i might not understand what cutting does but i feel like i want to understand so i can help those who do it : / powerful words here honestly!

    We live in a cruel world,
    Where life isn't fair,
    She's lonely and dying inside,
    She just feels nobody cares.
    ^^ life is devious and cheats : / SO many girls feel this way its so sad what this society and the media has done to this world not only them but us to i mean so many people dont take the time to just control their tongue and not lash out at people
    great job here to you are making a very relatable piece

    I want to reach out and help this girl,
    She deserves all she can get,
    I want to help her discover love in the world,
    And show her its not just a hellish pit.
    ^^ i agree with you here : )

    When I look in the mirror,
    I hope a beautiful girl she will see,
    I want to help this girl so bad,
    Because this girl is me.
    ^^aww...hunn thats such a sad twist! i hope that you can find the person that helps you see the light at the end of that tunnel i know it sounds cheesy but i mean it

    Great poem! i didn't find any errors : ) 5/5