THE TRUTH PEOPLE DIDNT KNOW.

I write exactly what i feel..

**You called me fat and four eyes.
Thinking all i needed was was a push.
You called me stupid and ugly.
Thinking it would help.
You called me a s**T and a who**.
Thinking i would get the message.

But what you didn't realize all you
were doing was convincing me i
was horrible and how i would never
belong. After years of torture and insults.
My heart became very weak. My mind
was so confused of what i really was.
I thought every insult you ever said was
the truth. I was disgusting. horrible and
pretty soon i wished i was dead.

I became really depressed and alone.
You thought i was fat so i decided to try
and change that, but i didn't know how.
So i began to make my self throw up
thinking it was for the best and then i just
stopped eating all together to lose weight.
I went from being 200lbs to weighting 115.
But then you started calling me to skinny.
You said you could see my bones.. then you
laughed at me like it was some kind of joke.

You made me cry. You hurt me deeper
then you could ever see. I hated myself just
as much as you hated me. I began cutting
myself because it eased my pain it made
me feel like i was in control. when in reality
i wasn't.

I started smoking weed and doing
crystal meth just because i didn't give a sh**
anymore I wanted to dead, but i didn't want to kill
myself because i was scared where i would
end up. I dropped out of school and started
fu**ing up.

Then the day came when everything
changed. My Grandma passed. I felt
from that day on my life was no longer
my own. I tryed to kill myself 3 different times,
but nothing helped because some reason i
just wouldn't die. It felt like something was
keeping me here and i didn't know why.

So i decided to start writing again.
So instead of speaking what i felt i would
write it down. Then i would read it back.
Thats what opened my eyes and made me
see things clear.

what was i doing? Why was i in so much
pain? am i going insane? Then i began
to cry and decided to straight in out my
life before it was to late and good thing i did
because if i would of remained the same
i probably would be dead.
So thanks to poetry am alive.. Thanks
to poetry i have my life...

~true story.. I never shared this with anyone
so i now i decided to shared this with everyone.~