Comments : You're My Hero. [Acrostic]

  • 15 years ago

    by Crystal Rose Blooming

    We all need our hero, a man we can count on when times are low. This was adorable and fitting. It's so sweet that you feel this way, I know his heart if going to bust when he reads it.
    Very sweet.

  • 15 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    You're always there standing next to me when I need you most.
    Optimism and love radiates throughout your full loving heart.
    Ultimately you are the one I proudly call my hero.
    Romance is what keeps our hearts together as one.
    Everyday you lend me indescribable passion as well as hope.
    ^^ usually i dislike poems that don't rhyme but you filled it with emotion and genuine meaning it did not matter ! The word choice was flawless!

    My hero, you're the one who holds the key to my heart
    You're the one who lifts me off the ground when I'm too weak to stand
    ^^someone who does that for you really cares they are not just in it for convenience or to "get some" like so many other guys he sounds like he truly truly cares!

    Here and forever, you'll always be my hero.
    Essentially that's what you are, what you'll always be.
    Radiant love flows from your heart so pure.
    Our love will only continue to blossom with you, my hero, by my side.
    ^^ it's so cute!~It makes the reader want one : ) idk if you have ever seen the movie this pertains to but "who's that and where can i get one!?" fits this perfectly

    The flow was great and it was truly straight from the heart i wish you guys the best of luck! Someone that rare is something to hold onto and cherish : ) 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    I saw this poem had a low rating so I wanted to read and she what others might have not liked. I'm going to be honest...

    "Ultimately you are the one I proudly call my hero."
    "My hero, you're the one who holds the key to my heart"
    "Here and forever, you'll always be my hero."
    "Our love will only continue to blossom with you, my hero, by my side."

    ^Do you see a pattern here? Too many "my hero" After a while people get the point this love in your life means a lot to you. Instead of keep saying "my hero" Why not write about the things he does or says that makes him your hero...it lacked emotion although it was evident you love this person. I feel like you ran out of things to say and was just forcing it along which was why so many phrases were repeated.

    "My hero, you're the one who holds the key to my heart
    You're the one who lifts me off the ground when I'm too weak to stand"

    ^I didnt like the "you are the one" repitition here...it just seemed like you ran out of things to say.

    "Essentially that's what you are, what you'll always be."
    ^I did not like that line...it didnt do anything for me. You're basically saying the same thing, Yes hes your hero and yes he means a lot to you but WHY. I know why because you and I are close but your readers might not get the emotion you were trying to get across.

    I know you can do SOOO much better than this because I know the type of potential you possess. Maybe your forced this a little just to write something sweet for TJ and I'm sure he loved it because it was so genuine but from a poetic stand point you can improve this a lot.

    I'm not going to vote because I think it deserves a 4 and dont want to lower your rating.

    I know you have it in you to shine as a poet this was just not one of your better pieces.

    Sorry...I'm only being honest because I know you can do better.