When I'm All Alone

When I’m all alone, in the dead of night, and everyone else is sleeping, that’s when I feel safe to shed a tear for the lose of you in my life. I cry myself to sleep night after night, praying that you’ll forgive in the morning light. What I put you through was wrong, and I regret it day after day. But I can’t tell my heart what to do, it does it all on its own. I wish that my heart would’ve listened when I told it to stay in love with you. When I see you school, my heart is screaming for you to return. But I know you wouldn’t. I know you hate me now and I deserve every ounce of loathe you feel toward me. The only time I get a moment of peace is when I’m with him. I’m sorry that that is true. If you were to tell 4 months ago, that I was to feel this way, I would have laughed my ass off. Because I knew that it was impossible for me to have feelings for another guy. I don’t know if the reason I have feelings for him is because he reminds me of you. That shy boy, who kept quietly waiting for the girl who liked someone else. I see him all the places I saw you. I’m missing you more and more everyday. I don’t know what I’m feeling, and I defiantly don’t want to hurt anyone else. I want you both, but I can’t have you both. I need to pick one before its too late. I thought I had picked one, but I miss you so much that I don’t know if I was right. I want things to be the way they were. Before all this happened. Before I lost my faith in myself, and everyone around me. He tells me he loves me, and just because I don’t want him to feel stupid for saying it I say it back. But I don’t mean it; I meant it every time I said it to you. But with him it feels weird saying it. How can I love someone, when I’m still just a little in love with you? I know I keep saying I’m not in love with you anymore, but it’s only half true. A part of me will always be in love with you. I can’t help it; I just will forever hold you in my heart. I just wish you didn’t hate me, I wish we could still be talking to each other. I wish I had my best friend to tell me what to do. You know my mind, heart, and soul so much better than anyone else. So I know that you could tell me what’s going on inside of me. I know you would be able to see what no one else can. I don’t know how you could ever forgive me. But I just hope you can be happy in life. My biggest wish is for your happiness, for you to find someone who can love you as much as you deserve. You are the most amazing man I have ever had to pleasure to meet. I still cannot believe I had you in my life, because it felt so good I thought it had to be a dream. You will always be everything that’s good inside of me. You changed my life, more than anyone ever possibly can. You mean everything to me, and I just want you to know that everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. Maybe one day you will forgive me, and things will be okay for us again. You never know what the future holds. But I have a very strong feeling that my future has everything to do with you. My past belongs to you, my future belongs to you, though my present is a little fuzzy. I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you, it was never what I had in mind.