The Words I Couldn't Speak

If only I could speak the words,
The ones held always in my heart,
Begging you not to leave again,
I don't want us to be apart.

I hate to see the pain I bring,
This isn't what I choose,
I'm just a pawn in a sick game,
And it's you I stand to lose.

Saying I didn't love you,
Was the blackest lie I could ever tell,
My heart shattered inside,
Knowing it was because of me, you fell.

So desperately I wanted,
To take you tightly by the hand,
Reassure you of my love,
Pull you from this deadly quicksand.

Yet here I sit bound and gagged,
Forced to watch as you slip deeper,
Letting you go for a moment,
To save you from this sadistic reaper.

Unsure of the path we'll take,
Not knowing if we'll make it through,
Unwilling to carry on,
If I have to carry on without you.

The nights I've spent away,
I cried myself to sleep,
Begging God to let me tell you,
I'm still forever yours to keep.

Silently I cried out to you,
Over and over again the words repeat,
I'm sorry, I love you, I swear I do,
Can't you see I'm crying at your feet?

The lies I was forced to say,
So much worse knowing you believed,
Forgotten all the things I ever told you,
So easily you let yourself be deceived.

How many nights did I swear to you,
I would always stay,
Yet with just one time, one night,
You let me push you away.

I'm here still and I love you,
Please won't you take me back,
I know, I know it's all my fault,
That your world again went black.

This wasn't what I wanted,
Just wished to save you and your son,
Please, please, won't you hear me,
Don't tell me that you and I are done.

My heart is still in your possession,
The love I have still strong,
I never want to leave you,
Cause it's in your arms I belong.