Regrets

Why is it now that I finally see the light?
It's like that saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone
I used to think it was just an empty threat but now I see how much I was wrong
I was a warning created to attempt to prevent someone from the pain of a loss
To show you before it's too late that acting out of fear of being hurt comes at too high a cost
Instead of letting the ones in whom I loved the most I shut them out
Allowed all this time to pass and not once did I admit my flaw because I was too proud
Proud of being tough and never letting my heart be destroyed
And now because of my selfish pride I am left staring at the broken faces of those I threw away like a disposable toy
The one man in my life who saw in me the girl who I had thought died long ago
Is the man who is now done with me and the one who I cannot and will not let go
I cannot change the past and I do not know what will come in the passing of time
But after all the things I have done I know that letting him go without a fight would be my worst crime
I have never been good at showing how I truly feel
And I know it is because of that certain wounds I have made in others will never fully heal
My heart was the one thing I guarded the most and tried to protect with all the remains of my soul
Now I look at him with tear stained eyes and realize it was given away a long time ago without control
But now none of that matters and the what ifs and could have beens are left behind with the pile of my regrets, mistakes, and results of my pride
But I have the chance now to prove my love and loyalty and I will fight for their forgiveness and show them that the girl they once knew has crawled out of the darkness and will never again let the fear of love and loss make her hide