The List

I've been raped.
I've been molested.
I think I lost my true love.
I've tried killing myself.
Home isn't home.
Don't have a home.
I've lied.
Countless times.
I've had underaged sex.
Unprotectedly,
Carelessly,
Lost my father,
He doesn't care.
Shockingly,
This I share,
With you,
And the rest of the world,
Until my face turns blue.

Through everything that I have been throguh, all of these things are on equal levels. It all bothers me the same.

When I tried killing myself- I was scared for the first time. I can honestly say that I scared myself, and nothing is the same.

But..

I did it a second time, and third time and now a fourth. Because I continued on with my old bad habits. And continued lying. I'm to blame.

I continued lying to the people that I deeply love. I love the people that I hurt. I'm hurting from hurting them. Trust me, I bring shame.

The second time was the most serious of all. Because I almost died. Here I am though- still wanting to die. I'm here because it's not the end of the game.

When I die, I won't feel bliss. Because of the state of mind I am currently suffocating in. If I die on these terms, without forgiveness, I'll continue feeling pain.

Who is this person I became?

Carlton- I need to know everything is okay.

:/