Comments : Give Me a Chance

  • 16 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Awww that was so sweet an truely heartfelt. I feel like I was reading a love letter to your true love.

    "I would never try to break your heart.
    Cause that would break mine.
    I promise I won't break your heart.
    I love you like no one can!"
    These lines were so beautiful and full of love.

    "To be your guy.
    To be your love.
    To be the one to hold you in my arms.
    To be the one that?"
    I loved the repetition here, it really added a lovely effect to your poem. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Well I have a few things to say to you.
    Let me start by saying.
    I fell In love with you.
    Since the first time I saw your brown beautiful eyes.
    I wanted to say this for sometime now."

    Good opening, nice emotions.

    "You are this girl not like any other girl I meet.
    You are special in so many ways.
    You are an angel that has fallen from heaven."

    The repeating of "You" at the beginning line really threw it off for me, my advice would be to think of something unique to write instead of repeating yourself.

    "Am not that guy.
    I would never try to break your heart.
    Cause that would break mine.
    I promise I won't break your heart."

    First line: "Am" should be "I'm".
    And again, you repeat "break" a lot, think of some other word instead of repeating it.

    "I love you like no one can!
    I love you now and before we said "Hello"
    I promise with my heart and soul,
    That I"ll be right by your side"

    Very cute, I like this part a lot.

    "Am asking for a chance"

    "Am" should be "I'm".

    "And there is way more then this.
    That am asking if you ,can give me a chance?
    To be your guy.
    To be your love.
    To be the one to hold you in my arms.
    To be the one that?"

    I really don't feel much emotion here, things are just cliche and not original, so maybe try being more descriptive in your work.

    "I hope would being your true smile once again."

    ^This part doesn't make sense if you read it, so I would reword it.

    "I hope has time passes ."

    "has" should be "as".

    Overall, 4/5. I think you rushed writing this piece, the flow was off in parts, and it was pretty cliche and not orginal in cetain areas, but some parts of it were good and sweet. So just go over this piece and fix the errors I pointed out, I think this poem could be a lot better, but that's just my opinion. Take care, keep writing, always and forever...