Every breath that I take

A very cute and heartfelt piece. The emotions came straight from your heart :] This piece was simple, but still beautiful and very hopeful. The flow was here and there, but still good. Great write :]

Good poem.

At first, I didnt care for the title; its a very common tile used in poetry.

As for the actual poem, the flow was good and the wording was decent. I may suggest adding more powerful words.

In the second stanza, you could say CARESSING MY FACE instead of TOUCHES MY FACE.
In the fifth stanza, you could use I WISH TO SPEND ETERNITY instead of I WILL SPEND EVERY DAY.

Changing a few words around will really add more meaning to your writing. This is something that will only come with more experience.

In the fifth stanza again, the word CAPTURED is a great example of a power word. Using a more common word would have taken away from the meaning of the line.

Overall, the poem WAS well written. It has pretty good imagery and the flow was good. I liked that most line had similar syllable counts. Sometimes, a nice simple poem is all that is needed to express the meaning. This is a great example of that. If it were any longer, it would have lost the true meaning of the moment.

Good job.

Well for me this poem is just full of sweet serenity. I like the idea that you penned it down in a straight forward manner.I also like the idea how you infuse some dialogs into ur poem, it makes the reader easier to relate to the poem. It was certainly a delightful to read.Keep it up

Excellent Job
5/5

I like this poem and since is not finished yet i gave u a 4 .. so im guessing you gonna add a lil more ... keep up the good work

Title:
"Every breath that i take"
`Let me start by saying, it would be nice if you capitolize your i.. thats not very poetic like to leave an I uncapitolized, I's are very important to capitolize, whether it be in poetry or anything else.

"Standing so close,
his hand in mine.
he stares in my eyes,
and i start to cry"
`Capitolize I, secondly.. I think this is okay, but it doesnt really hold too much description, it almost too simply said for my liking.. it holds some imagery but not enough.. maybe the rest of the poem will be better.

"he touches my face
and wipes my tear
he says"baby whats wrong
aren't you glad you're here?"
`This flowed pretty good.. I can picture this, but would like it to be more vivid.. more detailed descriptions, so I could feel I was in this girls position.

"i reply "of course i am,
thats why im like this."
he says "dont cry,"
and gives me a kiss"
`This poem lacks grammar. Don't always needs an apostrophe, I'm needs to be captiolized with an apostrophe, I's need to be captiolized, this is very easy stuff to fix, and it looks neater and more "professional" as a poet if you were to take the time and fix little errors like that. This poem is okay, I am starting to find it a bit cliche, this situation happens so many times in life everyday, I just wish you would make it own a ltitle bit more, you still have a few stanzas to impress me. :]

""you'll be safe with me,
i will love you with every breath that i take."
As he holds me close
I know this is not a mistake."
`Well this shows how caring the guy is, but I want more emotion from the girl.. so she's emotional and she's crying.. add more.. to both sides would be nice.. more more more.

"I will spend every day,
With the one that has captured my heart.
And now that i know its real,
I'll never let us fall apart."
`Beautifully expressed to someone you love... if you can express it from an open heart, I dont mind the clicheness, because thats how it comes out half the time.. but still try to make it unique so you can wow the reader more.

Its okay, I have to give it a 4.
Add more imagery, description,
emotion is okay, more could be added however. Grammatical errors are visible, but easy to fix. :]

4/5.